


The Aftermath

by InsaneNerdGirl



Series: 9-1-1 Family Feels [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Bobby Nash is Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parent, But mostly angst, Canon-Typical Depictions of Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, It took too long to tag all the platonic relationships, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Sad Flashbacks, happy flashbacks, so just keep in mind that everybody is friends and loves each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneNerdGirl/pseuds/InsaneNerdGirl
Summary: Buck is struggling to come to terms with what it means to be a father to Christopher, unsure if he can live up to Eddie's belief in him.He didn't expect that inner battle to be the least of his concerns.Athena is trying to deal with the repercussions of her attack, and as Bobby watches her deteriorate he can't help but worry there's something deeply wrong with her.Maddie's pregnancy progresses, and with it come a host of fears that she and Chimney have to work through together as they prepare to be parents.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han, fire fam - Relationship
Series: 9-1-1 Family Feels [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907290
Comments: 20
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my threequel to [Helpless](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001287/chapters/60537175) (multi-chapter) and [Moving Forward](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26253619) (one-shot).
> 
> I definitely recommend you read the original fics first, because while everything that happens here is pretty self-explanatory, those fics do give a lot of context.
> 
> Also, please take note of the past child abuse tag. There is only one scene in this chapter and that will be it for the story, but it's there and it could be triggering for some people. It's easily skippable though. It's the last scene in the fic, and is distinguished by having a "X years ago" lead in.
> 
> Beta'd by the always wonderful perfectlynervousbeard

The smoke around Buck was thick as he crawled along the floor, grateful for his oxygen mask. Without it, he would be unconscious.

 _“Buck, get out of there!”_ Bobby’s voice crackled through his radio. _“There’s nothing else we can do!”_

Buck ignored him. Ignored the common sense that told him the woman he was trying to get to was probably already dead. Ignoring everything except for his desperate need to save her.

A beam fell behind him as the flames started crawling across the ceiling above him. He didn’t have long before it collapsed.

_“Buck! Get out here or I’m coming in after you!”_

Buck saw a figure laying on the ground through the thick smoke in front of him. “I found her, Cap!” he yelled through his radio.

He crawled to the woman. “Anna!” he yelled, hoping she was still alive to hear him. “I’m here! I’m going to help you!”

Anna was lying curled up on the ground, a one-year-old baby protected from the flames in the curve of her body. Buck shifted them, pulling the woman over his shoulders and taking the baby in his arms. He _had_ to get them out of there.

“I’ve got you, Anna!” he yelled at the limp woman on his back.

The journey back to the front door seemed to take years, but finally, he stumbled out of the blinding smoke and ash and into the bright afternoon.

“I’ve got them!” he yelled. His eyes were blurred. “I have them!”

He could barely see as somebody came and took the baby from his arms, while someone else pulled Anna off his shoulders. A third person came up and put their hands on his shoulders.

“Buck?”

It was Bobby. Why couldn’t he see Bobby?

Bobby gently pulled his mask off. “You’re a dumbass, kid,” he said softly, wiping at Buck’s eye with his thumb.

Oh. He was crying. That’s why he couldn’t see.

His knees suddenly buckled beneath him. Now that he knew he was crying he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“I’m sorry, Bobby,” he choked out. “I knew it was too late, but I had to get them out of there.”

Bobby was crouching down next to him, one hand still squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “I know, Buck.”

“Mom!”

Buck choked back another sob at the frantic voice of a child. He wanted to look away, wanted to pretend he had brought the girl her mom and baby brother back. But all he could do was watch as the 12-year-old sobbed against her mother’s body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, still staring at the girl.

“Buck, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Bobby moved in front of him, blocking the little girl from Buck’s line of vision. “Look at me, Buck!”

Buck looked at Bobby, biting back another wave of tears.

“Nobody could have saved her life, but thanks to you that little girl gets to say goodbye to her mom.”

Buck nodded, not quite believing him, as Bobby pulled him into a hug.

Buck closed his eyes. Once again, it was his fault a kid had lost their parent. Once again, a wonderful parent was dead. Once again, he had failed.

\---

Athena swirled her coffee around inside her cup. “It’s… odd not going to work,” she confessed. “More odd than the last time.”

“Well you’re also not quite healed up yet,” Hen said, taking a sip of her own drink. “And if I were your doctor I wouldn’t want you anywhere near emergency situations yet.”

Athena laughed. “Thank you for the medical advice, _Doctor_ Wilson.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Hen raised her hands. “Not yet. I’m still studying.”

Athena took a sip of her coffee, wishing for an instant that it was something stronger. “I don’t know what to do with the fact that, for the first time in decades, I don’t _want_ to get back out there.” She shrugged, rubbing her temples as her head began to ache. 

“Athena,” Hen reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “It’s okay to feel that way. You don’t have to always be the strong one; you can take the time to heal, whatever that needs to look like.”

Athena arched her brow. “Now you’re sounding like my therapist.”

“Don’t make fun,” Hen laughed. “I’m being serious.”

Athena nodded. “I know,” she said quietly. She took another sip of her coffee, enjoying the comfortable silence with Hen.

“Hey,” Hen said quietly. “You know I’m here for you, right, even when I’m hours away studying to be a doctor; I’m only ever a phone call away.”

Athena rolled her eyes, fighting back a sudden wave of irritation as her head started to throb. “If I didn’t know that do you think I’d be sharing all of this with you?”

Hen laughed. “I guess you’ve got a point.”

Athena smiled tightly, feeling as if the pleasant atmosphere had vanished. She rubbed her aching head again as she took another sip of her coffee. “I’m sorry, Hen,” she said. “My head is aching, and that’s making me a little bit short.”

Hen frowned slightly. “You’re okay though, right?”

“I would tell you if I wasn’t,” Athena promised.

\---

“Goodnight, Chimney!” Bobby called out as he closed his locker. It had been a long shift, and he was looking forward to getting home to Athena.

“So long, Cap!” Chim yelled back, walking backward as he waved, before turning around and half-skipping out of the station. Bobby grinned. Lately, Chim had had a dance to his step everywhere he went.

He grabbed his jacket and started heading for the exit but paused when he saw Buck sitting on a bench, half-hidden by a pillar; his hands clasped loosely in his lap, and his head bowed.

“Buck?”

Buck’s head jerked up, and he looked startled.

“Uh… yeah Cap?”

Bobby walked over to Buck, concerned. “Are you okay?”

Buck nodded. “I’m… I’m fine.”

Bobby frowned. “You don’t look fine,” he said, sitting down next to Buck. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Buck shifted slightly and looked down at his hands again. “I need to pick Chris up from Carla’s on my way home,” he said softly. “And I don’t know if I can…” his voice caught.

“You’re still blaming yourself for not being able to save that woman,” Bobby said quietly. It wasn’t a question.

Buck shook his head. “How can I look Christopher in the eye, knowing that there’s another little kid out there who lost their parent because _I_ failed; just like how I failed Eddie.”

Bobby sighed, his heart aching for Buck. “I know you won’t believe me right now, but blaming yourself for something _that isn’t your fault_ ,” he put his hand on Buck’s shoulder for emphasis, “Won’t make anything easier.”

Buck smiled lopsidedly. “Athena said the same thing to me the other day.”

“Well Athena is a very wise woman, and we would all benefit from listening to her.”

Buck laughed hollowly for a second before his expression turned sad again. “Eddie wanted me to take Christopher, but…” he hesitated. “I don’t know how to be a father. And Christopher just lost a great one!” He shrugged. “I just don’t feel up for it.”

Bobby laughed softly. “Buck, every parent feels that way when they have to care for their first child. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are.”

Buck shrugged again. “I guess you’re right. I just…” he paused, seemingly looking for the words to say. “I never had a good father figure growing up.” He looked up at Bobby. “What if I mess up?”

“Then you apologize to Christopher, and you try again,” Bobby said. “Christopher loves you and loves spending time with you. Just love him back and keep doing what you were doing even when Eddie was here.” He squeezed Buck’s shoulder as he stood up. “You’ll be just fine.”

Buck nodded. “Thanks, Bobby,” he said, getting to his feet. “I need to go get Chris now.” He grinned. “I’m pretty sure ‘being late to pick up your kid’ isn’t in the parent handbook.”

Bobby clapped his hand over Buck’s shoulder as they walked out together. He had recognized the pain even behind Buck’s grin, but he couldn’t do much as long as Buck thought he was coping with Eddie’s loss.

 _“I’ll be there for you when you realize you’re not,”_ he promised silently.

\---

Maddie opened the door at Chimney’s knock, her smile widening.

“I have pineapple pizza for your stomach, even though I _still_ don’t understand why you suddenly love it, flowers for your heart, and sparkling grape juice for your soul!” Chim announced as he walked through the door, his arms full. “I would bring wine for the soul, but for now the grape juice will just have to do.”

Maddie laughed as she took the pizza box out of Chimney’s hands. “Hey, don’t blame me for the pineapple pizza thing, these weird cravings are fifty percent your fault!”

“A fault,” Chim said, leaning in to kiss her, “I am more than ready to take responsibility for.”

“Mmhmm?” she grinned against his lips.

“And I’m getting used to the weird food thing,” he added, pulling back from her. “Now, where is a vase that I can put your flowers in?”

“In the cabinet over the fridge,” she answered, opening the box of pizza and breathing in deeply. “Mmmm… I can’t believe I used to gag at the smell of pineapple pizza.”

“So, does this mean I win the argument about whether pineapples belong on pizza?” Chim asked.

She tilted her head and mock-frowned at him. “Never,” she deadpanned, sitting down at the table.

Chimney walked back over to her, carrying plates and cups. “Well in my mind, I have definitely won the argument.”

Maddie grinned as she grabbed a piece of pizza and took a bite. “So,” she said between mouthfuls. “I have an idea for a baby name.”

“I’m all ears,” Chim said through his own pizza. “I was not prepared to name an entire human being yet, so I don’t have a lot of ideas.”

Maddie squinted. “Were you planning on naming half a human?”

Chim picked a piece of pineapple off his pizza and tossed it at her. “You know _exactly_ what I mean Miss Literal,” he said with a laugh. “Now, what was your idea?”

“Well, if it’s a boy we could name him Kevin, after your brother.”

Chimney almost choked on his pizza. “Nuh-uh, _no!_ ” he said. “First of all, that’s like the male version of Karen, and Kevin would never want us to do that to our poor child. And second, that sounds too much like Evan, which is Buck’s real name. And I wouldn’t do that to our child either.”

Maddie laughed. “I don’t think either one of us is creative enough to name a human being.”

“Well, we’ve still got some time to figure that out.” Chim took a sip of his grape juice. “And if nothing else we can give the naming rights to Buck, although we _definitely_ get to retain veto rights.”

“I’ll toast to that!” Maddie chuckled, lifting her glass towards Chim.

“To our child _not_ ending up with an embarrassing name!” Chim said, clinking his glass against hers.

\---

Bobby put his hand on Athena’s waist as he walked behind her and reached for a knife, pressing a quick kiss on her cheek.

Athena tutted. “Not over the food,” she scolded, still shredding cheese.

“I’m not over the food,” Bobby grinned. “I’m behind it.”

Athena turned and looked at him archly, and Bobby held up his hands in mock surrender. “I will refrain from kissing you over the dinner in the future,” he laughed as he started chopping up a pepper.

They had started cooking dinner together once a week, and while it often made for a slightly late mealtime, it was often the highlight of his week.

“So, how was your day?” Athena asked.

Bobby sighed, setting down his knife.

“That bad?”

Bobby shrugged. “Yes and no.”

“What happened?” Athena’s voice was concerned.

“We lost someone today, and Buck took it especially hard. I’m… really worried about him.”

Athena nodded. “He’s taking Eddie’s death really hard,” she said softly. “He came over the other night.” She smiled sadly. “He’s blaming himself for what happened.”

“Yeah, he said as much to me too,” Bobby agreed.

“You know, I didn’t realize how alike he and I were until,” Athena gestured at nothing in particular, “all of this. But that just means I know how little he’s going to be willing to accept help.”

Bobby picked up his knife again and kept chopping. “I just wish we could do something to help.”

Athena grimaced slightly as she started shredding cheese again. “So do I,” she agreed.

Bobby frowned, noticing her expression. “Is your shoulder bothering you again? Because I can take over cheese duty if it is.”

“No, my head has been aching today,” Athena said. “That’s all.”

“You’ve been getting a lot of headaches lately,” Bobby said, concern tightening his chest. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine!” Athena snapped back. “Honestly, Bobby, are you really surprised that with all the medication I’ve been on that there aren’t a couple of side effects? I’m probably just having mild withdrawal symptoms from getting off the pain medication.”

“Which I _still_ think you should still be on, by the way,” Bobby said. “Your shoulder isn’t healing as quickly as it should, and I hate to see you in pain.”

Athena’s eyes softened. “And I would hate it too if our positions were reversed,” she admitted. “But I need my mind to be clear, and those medications have the opposite effect.”

“I know, I know,” Bobby said, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “But as your husband, I claim the right to worry about you anyway.”

\---

“Daaaaaad!”

Buck jerked awake, feeling groggy.

“Daaaddyyyy!”

“Christopher,” he mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He ran down the hallway to Christopher’s room, throwing the door open.

Christopher was lying in bed, tangled up in his blankets as his arms flailed. “Daaaadddyyy!” he yelled again, tears staining his face.

“I’ve got you, Chris,” Buck said, going over to the bed and pulling Christopher into his arms.

“No!” Christopher yelled, struggling against Buck. “I want dad!”

Buck’s heart broke in two, and he struggled to keep from crying. “Your dad’s gone, Chris,” he said softly.

Christopher rolled over in bed, moving farther away from Buck. “Go away, Buck,” he sobbed.

Buck got to his feet, feeling shaken. He didn’t know if he should go away or try to talk to Christopher. “Are… are you sure, buddy?” he asked.

“I don’t want you,” Christopher cried. “I want dad.”

Buck backed away, tears filling his eyes. “I’m sorry, Chris,” he whispered, backing out the door and closing it again.

He stood silently in the hallway, listening as Christopher cried himself to sleep again before sliding down the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

“I can’t do this, Eddie!” he whispered for what felt like the millionth time. “I don’t have what it takes to be a dad! I don’t know the first thing about it!” he crossed his arms, wrapping himself in a hug, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t be you!”

He couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t escape the guilt that clawed at him. “I can’t be Christopher’s parent, not without you. I don’t know how!”

\-----------------------

Twenty years ago

\-----------------------

“Junior!”

Evan startled, almost dropping his book. He jumped off his bed and ran to the door, pressing his ear against the wood.

_“Junior!”_

The angry yell was already in the hallway. It was too late to escape that way. Evan gulped and dove under his bed, hoping Dad wouldn’t be angry enough to search for him.

The door creaked open. “Evan Buckley Jr! I know you’re in here.”

Evan closed his eyes. Maybe he could pretend to be asleep.

A firm hand wrapped around his ankle and pulled him out from under the bed. He felt himself placed on his bed, and carefully opened one eye. Maybe Dad wasn’t as angry as he thought.

“When I call you, you answer me.” Dad’s voice was angry.

Evan nodded and tried to scoot backward away from Dad, swallowing a wave of fear.

“I don’t hear you!”

“Ye-yes, sir!” Evan squeaked.

Without another word Dad grabbed Evan by the ear, dragging him towards the door. Evan bit back tears as he ran to keep up. Yelling in pain would only make things worse.

Dad dragged Evan to his study before finally letting go of his ear. Evan backed up against the wall, breathing hard.

“Care to explain this?”

Dad’s prized ship-in-a-bottle was normally displayed on the edge of his desk. And technically the ship still was. The bottle was just shattered into tiny glass shards on the floor.

Evan swallowed and looked down at his toes. He _knew_ he shouldn’t have touched it, but he had just wanted to look.

“Well?!”

“I just wanted to look at it,” Evan whispered.

“I can’t hear you.” Dad’s voice was calm. That was always the worst. He was always calm when bad things happened.

“I just wanted to look at it, sir,” Evan repeated loudly.

Dad walked closer to him, and Evan tried to vanish into the wall behind him.

“I oughta make you walk through that mess,” Dad growled under his breath.

Evan’s head jerked up, and he hid one bare foot behind the other.

“I’m sorry, Dad! I’ll never do it again,” Evan begged

“Of course you won’t, you already ruined it.” Dad’s voice was terrifyingly calm. “You have to learn your lesson.”

“Please,” Evan tried to stop the tears. He’d only be punished for them.

“Walk through that glass, Junior. And you don’t get to stop until I tell you.”

Evan shook his head, wishing the wall would swallow him whole; wishing Mom or Maddie would come home, but he was all alone.

“You do it, or I’ll make you do it.”

Evan sniffled and walked forward. It felt like his entire body was shaking. He stopped just before reaching the glass and looked back at Dad.

“Please?” He tried.

“Don’t make me help you.” 

Dad’s quiet words were terrifying. Evan turned back towards the glass and lifted his right foot up, carefully stepping into the million tiny shards.

“Now the other foot,” Dad ordered.

Evan whimpered as he lifted his left foot and tiny shards of glass cut into his foot as his full weight pressed down on them.

“Keep walking.”

Evan couldn’t help but cry, as every step in the glass seemed to hurt more, dutifully lifting up one foot, then the other, then the first one again. He kept his eyes on the floor, afraid to look up from the bloody footprints he was leaving behind; afraid to look at Dad.

“You can stop now.”

Evan limped out of the pile of glass, but there was so much stuck in his feet it didn’t make a difference.

“Come over here.”

Evan limped over to Dad, his lower lip trembling.

“Did you learn your lesson?” Dad asked kindly.

Dad being kind was sometimes worse than him being calm.

Evan nodded, “Yes, sir.”

“What did you learn?”

“To… to not break your things?”

Dad hit Evan across the face with the back of his hand, catching his lip in his wedding ring. Evan whimpered in pain. “Is that all you learned?” Dad demanded.

Evan was scared. If he guessed wrong again Dad might make him walk in the glass again. “To not touch your things?” He guessed.

Dad smiled. “Yes, Junior. Now go to your room and think about what you did.”

Evan nodded, limping away as fast as he could, whimpering as each step made the glass still in his feet hurt even more.

When he got to his room he sat down in the corner, happy to not be pressing against the glass in his feet anymore. He bent sideways, looking at the bottoms of his feet. Blood was dripping out of what looked like a million little holes, and clear bits of glass were sticking out everywhere.

He tried to pull one of the pieces out, trying not to cry so loudly that Dad could hear him. The little piece wouldn’t come out and messing with it made it hurt more.

With another sniffle, he gave up and huddled up against the wall. He would probably have glass stuck in his feet forever.

He covered his face with his hands, trying to muffle the sound of his crying. 

“Evan?” 

Evan pulled his hands away from his face at the sound of Maddie’s voice. He hadn’t heard her come home. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground across from him. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“My feet hurt,” he whispered, his lip trembling.

She shifted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I know,” she whispered.

Evan closed his eyes as he leaned against her shoulder. “I can’t get the glass out.”

He felt Maddie squeeze him tighter, and he felt a little bit safer. “Do you need me to help you get them out?”

Evan nodded.

Maddie shifted away from him again, and he opened his eyes. “I thought you would,” she smiled at him. “These might help.” He watched as she pulled some tweezers out of her jeans pocket before scooting closer to his feet.

“This might hurt a little bit,” she told him. “Are you ready?”

Evan nodded again. He knew Maddie would make sure she hurt him as little as possible. He closed his eyes as Maddie worked, trying his best not to whimper as she dug the glass out of his feet. He didn’t want to make her feel bad.

“Maddie,” he said at last.

“Mmhmm?” She answered, still focused on his feet.

“I don't want to be Evan Jr. anymore.”

Maddie put down her tweezers and gave him her full attention.

Evan frowned, trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts. “Dad is an Evan,” he said. “And he calls me Junior. I don’t wanna be that.”

Maddie nodded slowly. “What do you want to be?” She asked.

Evan shrugged. “Just not Evan Jr.”

Maddie picked up her tweezers again and kept working. “You know, lots of people go by their last names,” she said softly. “Do you want to do that?”

He shook his head. “I can’t do that, you’re a Buckley too!” He protested.

“That’s true,” Maddie agreed, adding another shard of glass to the growing pile. “How about just Buck, then?”

“Buck?” Evan tried out the name, then grinned at Maddie. “I like it.”

“Okay then, Buck. I think all the glass is gone,” Maddie said, putting her tweezers back in her pocket.

She got to her feet. “Let me see if I can find some bandages for you. I’ll be right back.”

She started heading for the door.

“Wait, Maddie,” Evan called after her. Maddie turned and looked at him again. “You can call me Evan still, if you want to.”

She smiled at him, and he knew she understood his silent ‘thank you’.

“I’ll be back in a minute, Buck.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 911 call affects Buck, Bobby, and Maddie as Buck struggles with what it takes to be a good father, and wonders if he can ever be what Christopher needs him to be
> 
> Plus, while Athena continues to struggle with the aftermath of her attack, Bobby’s fears for her grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the always lovely perfectlynervousbeard

“911, what’s your emergency?”

Static crackled across the line, but nobody spoke. Maddie frowned.

“Hello? This is 911!” she tried again.

“Hi, 911,” a voice finally answered calmly.

Maddie’s confusion only grew. “Is there a problem we can help you with?”

“No,” the man said. “I’m just leaving my suicide note.”

Maddie’s heart seemed to stop in her chest. “Sir, can you tell me where you are?” she asked, double-checking that the computers were pinging cell phone towers.

“No, that’s okay.”

Maddie’s heart was pounding in her chest. This wasn’t a cry for help; whoever this man was, he had already made up his mind.

“My name is Maddie,” she said. “Can you tell me your name, sir?”

“I might as well.” The man seemed nonplussed. “It might help with identifying me later. My name is James. James Albert Young and I’m 37 years old. People call me Jay.”

“Well Jay, can you tell me what’s going on?” Maddie’s hands were shaking. The complete lack of fear in Jay’s voice was only making this harder.

“I made some mistakes, and it’s time for me to go now,” Jay explained.

Maddie’s computer beeped. She had a location.

“Do you want to tell me about them?” she asked, dispatching a unit to his location.

“You sound like a nice person, Maddie,” Jay said. “You don’t need to be bothered.”

“It won’t bother me,” Maddie couldn’t stop the tears from coming to her eyes. “I want to help you.”

Jay laughed. It sounded genuine. If Maddie didn’t know better, she’d think he was just sitting out in the sun with a beer, without a care in the world. “You know,” he said. “Everything is especially beautiful when it’s about to end. The end of the day comes with a splash of color from the setting sun, the end of the night does the same with the rising sun. Life feels beautiful when you’re about to leave it.”

“Then why don’t you stay,” Maddie begged. “Enjoy the beauty a little bit more.”

“No, no,” Jay laughed. “It’s only this beautiful because it’s ending. If it wasn’t ending it wouldn’t be beautiful.”

Maddie tried to keep her voice from shaking as she wiped at the tears falling from her eyes. “But after the ending is beautiful too,” she tried. Help was still a few minutes out. Maybe if she could get him to keep talking... “If you wait a little bit after the sunset you can see the stars come out.”

Jay laughed. “In LA? Are you serious?”

“Okay you’ve got me there,” Maddie said, forcing a laugh. “But even if we can’t see them, we know they’re there. So maybe there’s something beautiful after this end that you can’t see too.”

“I think you’re taking my metaphor a little bit too far, Maddie,” Jay laughed. “But I appreciate your effort.

“Jay, there are things for you to live for.” Maddie tried. “Do you have a family? Friends?”

“No.” Jay’s voice was harsh, in sharp contrast with how calm he had been up to that point. Maddie jumped on it, desperate to reach him. “Is that why you’re doing this? Because you think you don’t have anybody? There are people who can help you with that, Jay.”

The line was silent for a moment.

“Jay?” Maddie asked, not even trying to hide the tremor in her voice. “Jay?”

“Thank you for the chat, Maddie,” Jay finally said. “It was a good last few minutes. But now it’s time to say goodbye.”

“No wait, stop!”

Maddie heard a thud as if something was knocked over, followed by a choked gurgle.

“Jay?” Maddie called out, barely able to see for the tears.

She heard the sound of an engine siren through the phone. “Jay, help is here,” she whispered.

\---

Bobby jumped out of the engine and grabbed a hatchet, motioning for Chimney and Buck to grab a stretcher, before jumping to the front door and banging on it.

“LAFD,” he shouted, “Open up!”

He only waited a second before trying the door, hoping he wouldn’t have to break it down. Luckily, it opened.

“Come on, let’s find him!” he yelled, running into the house, his team close at his heels.

Bobby threw open a door and found a man hanging from a ceiling fan, a chair lying on its side just below him. “I got him!” he yelled out, running to the man and grabbing ahold of him, taking some of the strain off his neck.

Buck picked up the chair and then jumped on top, using his knife to cut the rope holding the man up.

They laid him onto the ground, and Bobby pulled the noose off from around his neck. The man starting coughing hoarsely.

“Sir, are you okay,” Bobby asked.

The man opened his eyes. “No, NO!” he screamed, sitting up and grabbing hold of Bobby’s shirt with both hands. “Why did you save me? Why?”

Bobby gently grabbed the man by the wrists. “Sir, you need to calm down.”

“I was going to see my baby girl again!” the man screamed. “Why did you stop me.”

Bobby’s blood ran cold, remembering an all-too-familiar night when he had asked a similar question when he awoke surrounded by paramedics. His voice caught in his throat. “Sir,” he said, barely above a whisper. “You need to stay calm.”

“It’s my fault she’s gone,” the man screamed as Buck pulled him off Bobby. Bobby swallowed hard, trying to stay in his present moment.

“I need to go to her; I need to apologize!” the man was sobbing now. “She needs to know it wasn’t her fault. It was the drugs, and then I left the bathwater running, and then I forgot. But she needs to know I didn’t mean it!”

The man’s words seemed to echo in Bobby’s ears. He couldn’t move; could barely breathe.

“Mister, you’re going to be okay.” Buck was talking now. Bobby felt himself gently shoved aside as Buck took his place next to the man. “We’re going to help you.”

“I didn’t want help,” the man sobbed. Bobby closed his eyes, trying to shove back memories of his own baby girl. “Help came too late to save her, it should have come too late for me too!”

Bobby wasn’t sure if the words came from him or the man that his team was now lifting on a stretcher. He wasn’t sure if the sobs were coming from him or the stranger.

“It was my fault! I should be punished!”

Bobby’s heart was pounding in his chest so loud he was surprised nobody else could hear it. It echoed in his ears, drowning out everything but those achingly familiar words.

“…re you okay?”

Buck was standing in front of him, both hands on his shoulders. Bobby tried to focus his blurred vision on him.

“Bobby?”

“I… I’m fine,” Bobby stuttered. He forced a small smile on his face. “He just reminded me of someone I knew, that’s all,” he told Buck.

Buck nodded, not looking very convinced. Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. “We got to him in time,” he said, “so everything’s fine.”

\---

Athena took a deep breath and tapped her steering wheel nervously as she looked out at an achingly familiar storage container. Her therapist had offered to come with her, but she had declined. She had thought she needed to do this alone.

Now she was regretting that decision.

She drummed on her steering wheel for another moment before getting out of her car. Her head was pounding as she looked at the site of her most recent trauma, and a big part of her just wanted to get right back in her car and drive away again.

Each step closer caused her pulse to go even faster, and by the time she got to the doorway, she was trembling. She reached out a cautious hand and touched it, causing a few flakes of rust to fall to the ground. She wished she hadn’t come alone, wished she had asked her therapist or Bobby to come with her; but she was Athena Grant, and she wouldn’t back down just because she was afraid.

With a deep breath, she flicked on her flashlight, pulled the door open, and stepped into the container. The container was dim, even with the door open, and oppressively hot. Athena took a gasping breath, remembering all too well the stifling heat of the place. She walked farther in, fighting back the memories of the terrifying moments she had spent here.

She walked to the far corner, and part of her was surprised that the floor wasn’t slick with blood; surprised how much the moment both contradicted and verified so much of what she remembered. She shined her flashlight on the floor and felt bile rise up in her throat at the brown stain covering the area. Bobby had said she’d lost over 40% of her blood that day but seeing how wide the stain spread across the floor was, was nauseating.

She closed her eyes, resting her throbbing head against the metal wall, the fear of that day bubbling to the surface once again. Her shoulder ached as if it was also remembering that horrifying moment as she sat there helpless, terrified she was going to die, barely clinging to consciousness as the knife twisted inside of her.

With a half sob, she turned and ran out of the container, not stopping until she reached her car. She leaned against it, chest heaving and hands trembling. Her vision was blurred, and when she raised a shaking hand to her face it came away wet with tears.

She took a gasping breath and turned to face the container again. “I didn’t die,” she whispered, reciting back her therapist’s words. “I didn’t die, I escaped, and I am recovering.”

She wiped away her tears. “I am stronger than that moment, and I will not let it own me.”

Her head was still throbbing, but her hands had stopped trembling. She took another breath and let it out slowly before getting back in her car. In spite of her headache, she felt better than she had before.

\---

Bobby was sitting on the couch, doing something on his phone when Buck walked up to him.

“Hey, uhh… do you have a minute?” he asked rubbing his loosely clasped fist with his right hand.

Bobby set down his phone and motioned for Buck to take a seat. “What do you need, Buck?”

Buck took a seat and rubbed his pants leg, struggling to find the words to say, grief echoing in his chest. Bobby waited patiently, just watching Buck.

“Why is it it’s always the good parents who die and the bad ones who don’t,” Buck finally blurted out. Bobby seemed to recoil at his question.

“What do you mean?” Bobby’s voice was hoarse.

Buck shrugged, the gesture more upset than confused, and furiously wiped away the tears that were springing to his eyes. “Eddie was the best father I ever knew; that woman who wouldn’t leave a burning building because she had to protect her baby… they’re both dead. But that guy who drowned his kid in the bathtub, he gets to live.” He paused, staring down at his hands, his fists clenching and unclenching. “And I get to live,” he finished in a whisper.

“Buck,” Bobby sounded like he was about to cry. Buck looked at him, startled. The tears in his own eyes were reflected in Bobby’s, and Buck mentally kicked himself. In his own grief, he had forgotten about Bobby’s past; he hadn’t considered how much a question like that would hurt him.

Buck opened his mouth to apologize, but Bobby kept talking before he could. “I think the bad dads get to live as punishment for their shortcomings,” he said softly, his voice cracking.

Buck looked away again, feeling as if his grief was going to split him in two, his oft-repeated mantra echoing in his head. _I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this._

Bobby kept talking. “But maybe… maybe the bad dads also get to live to get a chance for redemption.”

Buck swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t think Eddie should have entrusted Christopher to me,” he whispered. “There might be a redemption for bad dads, but…” his voice cracked as fresh tears sprang to his eyes. “But I’m not sure there can be for the people who get the good dads killed.”

Bobby didn’t answer, but Buck wasn’t sure if he even could. He wasn’t sure if there was anything left to say.

\---

Maddie sat in the break room, staring at her cup of coffee. She was still shaken up by the suicide call.

“Hey, are you okay?” Maddie looked up as Sue came into the room. She nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Some calls can just get to you.”

Sue smiled gently at her. “Are you going to call and find out how this one went?” she asked, taking a seat next to Maddie.

Maddie shrugged, blinking back tears. “I don’t know,” she whispered softly. “If I don’t I can pretend that help got to him in time.”

“That’s true,” Sue said, putting her hand on her arm. “But if you do, you can find out for sure and maybe get some peace.”

“Yeah, well I don’t know what I _should_ do,” Maddie said, growing frustrated.

“It’s the question we all have to consider every day, Maddie. You’re not alone in that.” Sue said gently. “Some people find it easier to never ask because then they can pretend.”

Maddie nodded. “That’s what Josh does.”

“Do you want to know what I found comfort in?”

Maddie nodded, spinning her mug around on the table.

“I found comfort in knowing that if they didn’t make it, I was the one who helped them through it. I was the one who guided them to… well, whatever they believe comes after death.” She squeezed Maddie’s arm. “It’s not every job that lets you fill the role of an angel.”

Maddie laughed, feeling a gentle warmth spread through her. Sue always had that affect, but right now that warmth felt even more special. “Sue, I’m pretty sure you secretly are an _actual_ angel,” she told her.

“No, because I’m pretty sure angels don’t need a coffee addiction to help them get through the day,” Sue laughed, getting up from the table and heading for the coffee pot. “You take a few more minutes Maddie, then pick up your halo and be there for the next person who might need it.”

Maddie nodded and took a sip of her coffee, savoring the flavor for a moment before getting to her feet and heading back out onto the floor.

\---

Bobby paced the floor of his living room as he dialed Athena’s number again.

“Come on, come on, come on,” he begged.

For what felt like the millionth time, the call went straight to voicemail. “Where are you, Athena,” he whispered desperately to his phone.

His fingers itched to call Elaine again, demand that they go search for Athena, damn protocol. It didn’t seem right to wait 24 hours after someone went missing to go out in full force to find them.

He slumped down on the couch, not even bothering to fight the tears. What if she was lying in a ditch; hurt, dying, waiting for help. She had crossed a lot of dangerous people across her career; what if one of them was going after her for revenge?

He dialed her number again as scenario after scenario flashed through his mind. He knew she could take care of herself, but right now she was injured, and so many things had gone wrong for her lately.

He almost threw his phone across the room in frustration when the call once again went to voicemail.

“Please God,” he begged. “Don’t make me lose her.”

He bowed his head, resting it in his trembling hands. “I need her.”

The front door opened and his heart seemed to leap into his throat at Athena’s familiar step. He raced up the steps and was pulling her into a hug before she could even make it all the way through the door.

His heart hammered in his chest as he held her close, breathing in her scent, absorbing her warmth.

“Bobby?” She sounded bemused as she gently pushed against his embrace.

He held her for another moment before relaxing his arms. “Where have you been?” He demanded, looking her over carefully. She didn’t seem to be injured in any way, although her expression was tight with pain.

“I’ve been… out,” she answered, walking around him and down the stairs, rubbing her temple with one hand.

“For five hours?” He asked incredulously, following her into the living room. “Athena this isn’t like you! Not letting anybody know where you were, not picking up your phone!” He took her hand in his, surprised to find it was shaking. “Athena, what’s going on?”

She pulled her hand out of his grasp and turned on him, eyes flashing. “I forgot to charge my phone, Bobby! That’s no reason to act as if I’ve been missing for weeks!”

She stalked past him into the kitchen, angrily pulling out a bottle of wine and a glass. Bobby stood numbly where he was, his worry only growing.

He followed her into the kitchen as she sat down at the table, pouring herself a glass. “Athena, talk to me,” he said softly sitting down next to her. “What happened?”

“I’m just sick and tired of everybody treating me like I’m a damn invalid!” She yelled before taking a sip of her wine.

He sat silently for a moment, watching her, giving her the time to process what she was thinking and feeling. “What’s really going on?” He asked gently.

She seemed to deflate in front of him as her anger evaporated. “I went to where they held me,” she said in a pained whisper.”

He reached out and placed his hand on hers. “How was it?”

She took a sip of wine, avoiding looking at him. “It was… terrifying,” she finally admitted. “All I wanted was to get out of there, to get home, to pretend none of it had ever happened.”

She shakily lifted her glass again, taking another sip. “And then I couldn’t find my way home.” Her voice was so quiet Bobby could barely hear her.

“Athena,” he breathed, his heart clenching in fear. Something was seriously wrong with her; he was sure of it. “That place isn’t that far from here.”

“I know,” there was a faint tremor in her voice.

“How could you forget how to get home from there?”

Athena shook her head. “Honestly, Bobby, it was… hard… going there. I walked into that storage container and everything came rushing back.” Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “I guess I was just so caught up in it all, so distracted, that I forgot which way was up.” She smiled at him, putting her other hand on top of his. “But I’m fine,” she promised. “You have nothing to worry about.”

Bobby squeezed her hand, leaning over and pressing a kiss on her cheek. He tried to ignore the fears that still gnawed at him but couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his gut. Something didn’t feel right, and not even her promise could convince him not to worry.

\--------------------------

Fifteen Months Ago

\-------------------------- 

“Dad, look!” 

Christopher's yell was concerned as he leaned over his crutches, peering at something on the ground. Buck and Eddie exchanged glances before jumping off the bench they were sitting on and running to join Chris under the tree.

“What is it, Chris?” Eddie asked as they reached him.

“Look,” Christopher pointed to a spot on the ground. “He fell!”

Buck followed Christopher’s finger and saw a tiny baby bird, its pink skin barely covered in soft gray down, shifting slightly on the ground.

“You can save him, right?” Chris turned a sunny smile towards Eddie, and Buck’s heart melted just a little bit. 

“Aw, little man, I wish I could,” Eddie said, kneeling down next to Chris and giving the baby bird his full attention. “But if we touch him, mama bird won’t come back to save him.”

Christopher gave Eddie a sideways glance as Buck watched the little scene happening in front of him. “But you’re a firefighter,” he said.

“Yeah, but not even firefighters can save everyone,” Eddie said seriously. Christopher nodded and looked down at the bird. “But he’s so small,” he whispered.

Buck glanced at Eddie as he nodded. “He is small,” he agreed.

“So we have to help him!” Christopher insisted.

“You know,” Buck said, drawing Eddie’s attention away from Christopher. “With birds, you actually _can_ touch them and put them back. They don’t identify their babies through smell.”

Eddie squinted up at Buck. “How do you know that incredibly helpful bit of information?” he asked.

Buck shrugged. “When you get laid up you read up on interesting facts about everything,” he laughed.

Eddie carefully reached over and picked up the tiny bird before getting to his feet. “You know what, Chris,” he said. “You are absolutely right. Sometimes firefighters can’t save everyone, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try. Isn’t that right, Buck?”

“Right!” Buck grinned as Christopher crowed in delight.

Buck watched as Eddie glanced up the tree beside them, mentally calculating the safest way up to the nest. He put his hand on Christopher’s shoulder as Eddie jumped, catching hold of one of the tree’s lower branches and one-arming his way onto it.

“Be careful with the bird, dad!” Christopher yelled.

Eddie grinned down at them, and Buck’s heart caught in his chest. “Don’t worry, little man. This bird is getting safely back to his nest.”

“We’re getting the bird home, Buck!” Christopher laughed, his eyes glowing. Buck nodded, not sure why his voice wasn’t working. He watched as Eddie climbed the tree, his heart suddenly thumping in his chest.

“I’m putting him in his nest now,” Eddie called down from the tree.

Christopher clapped his hands. “Tell him to be careful on the edge from now on!” he yelled back.

Eddie grinned before turning to the fledgling in his hands. “Do you hear that, little bird? You need to be careful,” he said before setting it carefully in the nest.

Eddie quickly climbed down, and Christopher threw his arms around him in a hug. “We did it!” he squealed happily.

“We sure did,” Eddie replied, spinning Chris around before setting him down again, glancing over at Buck with a grin. “All three of us did.”

Buck’s heart seemed to leap out of his chest. He didn’t think he would ever get over the things, whether they were big or little, that Eddie was always willing to do just to make Chris happy.

“Yeah, we sure did,” he agreed.

\--------------------------

Present Day

\--------------------------

“Come on, buddy,” Buck called. “Time to get ready for bed.

Christopher looked up from where he was playing with his Legos and shook his head stubbornly. “I don’t want to, Buck,” he said.

Buck sighed before going over to Christopher and sitting cross-legged next to him. He reached for some Legos and began building his own tower. “Is it because you had bad dreams last night?” he asked, watching Christopher carefully out of the corner of his eye.

Christopher nodded, sticking another Lego onto his tower, and sniffled quietly.

“You know,” Buck said, still pretending to keep his main focus on the Legos. “I have bad dreams sometimes too.”

Christopher looked up at him, his mouth dropping. “You do?”

Buck nodded, “I do.”

“But I thought grown-ups didn’t get bad dreams.”

Buck reached for another Lego, hoping this was what he should be doing; hoping he was helping Christopher. “Well we do,” he said, adding on to his slowly growing tower. “When something happens that makes us scared, or sad, or worried, we sometimes have bad dreams about it.”

Christopher rubbed his eye with one hand. “Are you sad about dad?”

Buck nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I am. And I miss him a lot.” He finally set aside his Lego tower and turned fully towards Christopher. “Do you miss your dad, Chris?”

Christopher’s lip quivered as he nodded.

“Do you want to tell me about your bad dreams?” Buck asked gently, hoping it wasn’t the wrong tactic.

Christopher shook his head, rubbing his face in his sleeve.

Buck hesitated, not quite sure what to do next. He reached for a Lego and started adding on to his tower.

“Did I ever tell you the moment that…” Buck hesitated, not sure how much he should tell Christopher about what could never be. “…the moment that I knew your dad was my best friend?”

“No.”

Buck leaned over and nudged Christopher. “It was when I saw how much he loved you,” he said, grinning down at him.

Christopher chuckled. “Really?”

“Yep!” Buck smiled softly. “And that’s why you miss him so much. Because he loved you so much that you loved him back just as much; and now you have a lot of love to give and nowhere to put it.”

Christopher twisted his face in thought for a moment as Buck held his breath, hoping he hadn’t made things worse.

After a moment, Christopher seemed to come to a decision. “If I give all that love to you, will I be less sad?” he asked.

Buck’s heart lurched. He reached out and pulled Christopher into a hug, trying to speak through the lump in his throat. “You’ll still miss him, buddy,” he whispered hoarsely into Christopher’s curly hair, “but that just means he will always be important to you.”

He felt Christopher nod against his shoulder before impatiently wiggling out of his arms. “I’m going to give all that love to you, Buck. Then I can be less sad.”

Buck forced down the tears that were trying to spring from his eyes. “And I’ll love you back as much as I can,” he promised.

Christopher grinned at him, the giant joyful smile that Buck had worried he’d never see again. “And now,” he said, getting to his feet. “It’s time for you to get into bed.”

Christopher nodded. “Dad always read me a story before bed,” he said, pulling himself to his feet.

“Do you want me to read to you before you fall asleep?”

“Yes.”

\---

Thirty minutes later, Buck pulled the door of Christopher’s room mostly closed, leaving it open just a crack so some light could get in. His heart was full as he walked back out into the living room. For the first time since the loss of Eddie, he knew he could do this.

He flung himself on the couch and turned on the TV, starting to channel surf, but not really paying attention to what was flickering across the screen in front of him.

 _“I’m doing it, Eddie,”_ he said silently, hoping his best friend could hear him. _“I’ll never be you, but I think I can do it.”_

A knock at the door startled him. “What the hell?” he asked out loud, jumping to his feet and tossing the remote onto the coffee table. He opened the door a crack and looked to see who it was, before pulling it all the way open when he recognized Eddie’s parents.

“Come on in, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz,” he invited.

“Hello, Buck,” Mrs. Diaz said with a kind smile.

“Christopher is already asleep,” he said, closing the door behind them.

“Oh, we just came for a short chat,” Mr. Diaz said quickly. “Don’t bother waking him up.”

Buck nodded. “Okay?” he drew the word out, confused. “Would the two of you like a seat?”

“No, that’s okay,” Mrs. Diaz said, reaching out to take his hand, squeezing it between both of hers. “We just wanted to stop by to say thank you for watching Christopher while…” her voice cracked slightly, and tears filled her eyes. “…while we got Eddie’s affairs in order,” she finished quietly.

Buck frowned, his confusion only growing.

“We thought we’d give you some fair warning,” Mr. Diaz said, squeezing his wife’s shoulder comfortingly. “We’re going to be heading back to Texas at the end of the week.”

Buck nodded. “Well, Christopher will be sad to see you go.”

Mr. Diaz frowned, and Buck’s heart seemed to stop cold at his next words.

“What do you mean? He’s coming with us!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised y'all I would give you some cute Buddie scenes, and I have (hopefully) delivered.
> 
> The real question: in that flashback scene, did Buck get all flustered because 1) Eddie effortlessly did a one-armed pull-up into a tree 2) his ass looked so great as he did said one-armed pull-up or 3) because of that dazzling grin he shot down at them when he got up on the branch?
> 
> Comment and let me know.
> 
> Also let me know how you like the chapter! Leave an emoji that describes how you feel by the end of it.
> 
> Comments are fuel for fanfic writers, and fuel makes us write faster. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Maddie both deal with fears and insecurities, unsure if they are cut out to be parents, while Bobby works to help Buck try to keep Christopher where he belongs.
> 
> Meanwhile, Athena’s health continues to deteriorate, even if she doesn’t want to admit to it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took me so long to get out. Frankly... in real life between posting the last chapter and this one I heard a 17-year-old kid choking to death on his own blood and a 14-year-old kid die screaming, so that sorta makes you NOT want to write a fanfic about first responders.
> 
> Also, now that season 4 has started coming out there are obviously a few plot points where this differs from that (for instance no COVID in the universe of my fic, Hen not going to doctor school online so has too long of a commute to be on the team, stuff like that), but I'm going to stick with the outline that I wrote up back when I started this unless it blatantly contradicts canon.
> 
> Beta'd by ethanjwillis

Buck felt as if he had frozen where he stood, his feet rooted to the floor. Christopher was still sleeping in his room and Mr. and Mrs. Diaz were gone… when had that happened? His mind was whirling as their statement, said so matter-of-factly, echoed in his head.

They couldn’t take Christopher… he couldn’t break his promise to Eddie. It was the last thing Eddie had ever asked of him… he couldn’t let him down!

Buck pulled out his phone and started scrolling for Bobby’s number. He needed to talk to him, needed his advice, needed… needed…

He choked back a sob. It was Eddie that he needed. The contacts list on his phone blurred as he felt tears come to his eyes. _“I need you, Eddie,”_ he thought desperately for what felt like the millionth time. He roughly wiped the tears from his eyes, and his eyes fell on Eddie’s name in his phone contacts. His phone wouldn’t have gotten disconnected yet, right?

With trembling fingers, he gently brushed against the name, and his phone started ringing.

_“Hi, this is Eddie Diaz. I can’t answer right now but leave me a message and I’ll get back to you ASAP”_

Buck bit back another sob at the familiar voice. The phone beeped, waiting expectantly for a message.

“Eddie,” Buck whispered. This was stupid. Eddie was gone. He would never hear this message. “Eddie, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why you put your trust in me… I know I don’t deserve it.” He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. “Why did you think I could do this? You know how much of a monster my dad was… the kind of role model I had in him... I don’t know how to be a father.”

Buck paused, waiting for a response he knew would never come. “Why did you make me promise to take Christopher? I can’t do this… I can’t fight my own incompetence _and_ your parents. They’re going to take him… and he’ll be better off… but now I have to break my promise to you. Why is… why is the last promise I ever made to you one that I’ll have to break?”

Buck couldn’t fight back the sobs any longer. He set his phone down on the ground beside him and pulled his knees against his chest, shoulders heaving as he cried. He cried for Christopher; how he had lost the best father in the world and was now stuck with him. He cried for Eddie, who had so much life left to live before it was taken from him. He cried for himself, and the promise he was going to have to break. He cried until he had no more tears to cry. He cried until sleep finally dragged him away from his misery.

\---

“It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve had time for just the two of us while the boys have a guys day,” May said, flipping a pancake with a grin.

“It has been a while,” Athena agreed as she poured out the excess bacon grease before adding another new strip into her pan.

“I was thinking we could go see about buying some of my college textbooks before going and getting our nails done,” May said, flipping the pancakes out onto a plate. “Assuming we have time after we eat.”

Before Athena could answer, Bobby walked into the kitchen. “Something smells good,” he said with a grin, heading over to plant a kiss on Athena’s cheek. Athena leaned into him for a moment, allowing the warmth of his touch to soothe her ever-present headache.

“Weren’t you supposed to be gone by now?” she asked archly.

“Buck called,” Bobby said softly, a slight catch in his voice.

Athena turned to face him fully. “What happened?”

“Eddie’s parents want to take Christopher.”

“What?” Athena took a step back, her heart breaking for Buck.

“But they can’t!” she heard May protest. “Eddie wanted Buck to have him!”

“But we aren’t sure how much that counts, legally, if Christopher’s biological family wants him,” Bobby said before turning back towards Athena. “I’m going to meet up with him and then we’re going to talk with Eddie’s Abuela. She might be able to help.”

Athena nodded, “I hope so,” she said softly. Buck had lost enough and suffered enough. He didn’t deserve this. 

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Bobby said, brushing her arm softly as he left.

Silence reigned over May and Athena after Bobby left as they mechanically finished making breakfast. Athena sighed softly and forked the last piece of bacon onto a plate, moving her pan to the back of the stove. 

“This isn’t right,” she heard May say angrily, breaking the silence.

“I know,” Athena agreed softly.

“They shouldn’t even be allowed to try to take Chris!”

A fog was starting to creep up on Athena.“Well, we are all…” her voice caught slightly as her headache seemed to increase. “... going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“He’s where Eddie wanted him to be! Taking Chris away from Buck would be disrespecting his final wish!”

May’s words were barely decipherable as the fog around Athena deepened.

“If they loved him, shouldn’t they respect his wishes?”

Athena put a hand to her forehead, trying to hear May through the still-thickening fog surrounding her. May was far away now, her words echoing through the air without meaning.

“Mom?”

Was that a note of worry in May’s voice? She couldn’t tell, could barely understand anything past the throbbing in her head. Her legs felt like rubber.

“Mom? Are you okay?”

Athena put out a hand to steady herself as her legs collapsed beneath her. Something agonizingly hot pressed against her skin.

The pain should have cleared the fog.

It hadn’t.

_“MOM!”_

May’s scream spiked into her head as blackness crashed over her. 

\---

Bobby parked his truck outside of Eddie’s house… he should probably stop thinking of it in those terms… and jumped out almost before the engine had stopped. He ran up to the door and went inside without even bothering to knock.

Buck was sitting at the table, watching Christopher eating a bowl of cereal. His face was pale and his eyes were red.

Bobby had never seen him look so dejected. “Buck,” he called out softly, closing the front door behind him and walking over to the table.

Buck looked up. “Bobby,” he said hoarsely, standing up. “I…” he took a stumbling step towards Bobby. “I wasn’t…”

Whatever it was Buck was trying to say didn’t matter. All that mattered was he was hurting. Bobby silently pulled him into a hug, gently rubbing his back with one hand. He could feel Buck trembling, could feel him fighting back tears.

“It’s okay, Buck,” he whispered. “It’s okay to cry.”

He felt hot tears fall on his shirt as Buck cried silently. “I failed him,” he heard him whisper.

Bobby gently pulled back from the hug and looked Buck straight in the eyes. “No you didn’t,” he said seriously. “As long as you were willing, as long as you _tried,_ you didn’t fail him.”

Buck looked down, scowling.

“I know you don’t believe me, but Eddie would have understood. He wouldn’t feel you broke your promise.”

Buck nodded, but Bobby knew he still didn’t believe him, not really. “We are going to find a way to fix this,” he promised.

“Fix what?” Christopher’s voice piped up.

Bobby looked over at the table and Buck turned around, facing Christopher. “Um… Chris…” Buck cleared his throat and crouched down in front of Christopher’s chair, meeting him at his own level. “You know how your dad asked me to take care of you?”

“Yes?” Christopher frowned in confusion.

“Well, now your grandparents…” Buck looked down and took a deep breath, and Bobby’s heart broke for him. “You’re grandparents want to take care of you now,” Buck finally finished, his voice barely above a whisper.

Christopher tilted his head, watching Buck thoughtfully. “And that’s why you’re sad today.” It wasn’t a question, but Buck answered anyway. “Yes.”

Bobby stepped in, putting a comforting hand on Buck’s shoulder. “But now we’re going to talk to your Abuela and see what she thinks.”

Buck glanced up at him with a faint smile and got to his feet. “I can drive,” he said.

Bobby started to protest, but then stopped when he saw the look in Buck’s eyes. _He was the one driving when Eddie was killed._

“Only if I get shotgun,” he joked softly.

He read the thanks in Buck’s eyes, even if it never reached his lips.

\-----------------

Sixteen months ago 

\-----------------

“Daaaaaaaad,” Christopher called cheerfully, hobbling out of the kitchen, Abuela right behind him with a plate of cookies in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. “Close your eyes!”

Eddie grinned. “You know I only need my nose to know what you’re bringing in here,” he laughed, complying with Christopher’s order.

“Yes…” Christopher said, clearly waiting to finish his sentence until he got closer. Eddie felt his son brush up against his knees as the two finally got to the couch. 

“...But this part is a surprise.” Christopher was barely holding in his laughter.

Eddie opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about, but before he could a very delicious, very chocolate-covered cookie was shoved in his mouth.

“You can open your eyes now!” Christopher declared, laughing that full belly laugh Eddie loved so much. The laugh he hadn’t heard since Shannon died.

He opened his eyes, pretending the lump in his throat was just a bit of cookie. “Mmmph fmupth…” he said, making a show of talking around the cookie.

Christopher laughed even harder, his eyes half-closed in delight. Eddie glanced up at Abuela, still standing behind Christopher. Her eyes were moist as she looked down proudly at Christopher.

“Now, now, Eddie,” she chided, setting down the cookies and milk.“What have I told you about talking with your mouth full?”

“Thoo nopht do ith,” Eddie answered cheekily around his cookie. He was rewarded with another belly laugh from Christopher.

“No respect!” Abuela exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “You have no respect, Edmundo!”

Eddie swallowed his cookie. “I’m sorry Abuela,” he grinned cheekily.

Abuela reached down and stroked his cheek fondly for a moment. “Now you get to help me clean up the kitchen while Christopher enjoys his snack,” she told him.

“Yes ma’am!” Eddie jumped to his feet. “Only two cookies, little man,” he told Christopher.

“Only two?” Christopher pouted, his eyes sparkling.

“Okay fine, _three_ ,” Eddie conceded. His kid knew exactly how to get what he wanted from him, but after that laugh… he couldn’t say no.

He stood where he was for a moment, watching as Christopher took a large bite of his cookie as he reached for the milk before following Abuela into the kitchen.

Abuela was already washing the dishes when he walked in. “That was the first time he’s laughed that hard since Shannon…” Eddie swallowed back the lump in his throat as he reached for a drying rag.

“He takes after both his parents,” Abuela said gently. “He is strong, he will become okay.”

Eddie nodded and reached for a dish, carefully wiping it dry. “Abuela, I need you to promise me something,” he said softly.

Abuela turned off the faucet and faced him fully, giving him the silence he needed to figure out what he needed to say. His baba’s words from the day after Shannon’s funeral echoed in his mind. _“He hasn’t been here long enough to put down roots…” “you’re wrong,”_ he whispered silently to the memory.

“Promise me that if anything happens to me… promise you won’t let my parents uproot Christopher again,” he said finally.

“Eddie, you know I am too old to take care of him myself,” Abuela reminded him gently. “I can’t promise you that.”

Eddie smiled softly. “Well I’m not planning on anything happening to me, but if it does…” he hesitated, not sure if he should even say it. “If it does, I want Buck to get custody of him.”

Abuela nodded seriously. “I promise,” she said before her face crinkled into a grin. “So… Buck?” she asked archly.

Eddie laughed softly. “It’s not like that…” he tilted his head slightly, “... exactly…”

\-----------

Present Day

\----------

Buck bit back a wave of unexpected emotions as he and Bobby listened to Abuela. Eddie hadn’t asked him because he just happened to be with him when he died. He had made his decision months earlier.

The constant ache in his heart seemed to untwist slightly as he felt a sense of warmth rush through him. _“I love you too, Eddie,”_ he called out silently to Eddie’s ghost. _“Even if we loved each other in different ways.”_

“Do you know if Eddie did anything legally?” Bobby’s question pulled him out of his own thoughts, and he looked hopefully at Abuela.

She shook her head sadly. “Eddie was… distracted, for a lot of that last year of his life.” She reached out and gently stroked Buck’s cheek. “He wanted to talk to you about it first, but never got the chance.”

Buck bit back tears as a wave of guilt washed over him. Eddie might have gotten the chance to make this legal if he hadn’t been rash and impulsive with that lawsuit. “So… there’s nothing we can do?” He asked.

“I don’t think so,” Abuela answered sadly.

Buck looked away, his grief and guilt threatening to overwhelm him. He was going to lose Christopher, and it was his own fault.

“Now wait a minute,” Bobby’s voice interrupted his gloomy thoughts. “I don’t think that’s true, that there’s nothing to do.”

Buck and Abuela both turned toward him. “What do you mean?” Buck asked, surprised.

“Abuela is just as much Christopher’s flesh and blood as Eddie’s parents are,” Bobby explained, turning towards her. “If you were willing to support our case and confirm that Eddie’s final request is genuinely what he wanted… this might be a case we could win!”

“Of course I’ll support your case!” Abuela exclaimed. “Buck, you are who Eddie wanted to be Christopher’s caretaker, nobody else deserves him.”

Tears of gratitude sprang to Buck’s eyes at Abuela’s words, and for the first time since Mr. and Mrs. Diaz came to see him, hope blossomed in his chest.

\---

“911, what’s your emergency?”

Maddie winced slightly as the sound of a baby screaming was piped directly into her ears.

“Help me, help me please!” A woman begged frantically. “Oh god, it’s Rosalie… oh god what have I done!”

“Ma’am, can you tell me your name?”

“MaKayla! My name is MaKayla, and my baby, my baby… oh god…” 

Maddie gestured at Josh and he came over, frowning slightly as he tapped in to her call. “I need a phone trace,” she whispered before turning her speaker back on. “MaKayla, my name is Maddie. I need you to tell me what happened.”

“It’s hot grease!” MaKayla practically screamed. “I dropped it, and it fell on my baby, and… and… oh god, did I kill her?”

Maddie’s heart stopped, and she lifted one hand to her softly protruding belly. “I… it’s going to be okay, MaKayla,” she stammered, fighting back the worry that clawed at her throat. “We have an ambulance on the way. Your baby will be fine.”

She took a deep breath, one hand still protectively placed over her belly. “Rosalie has a pretty good yell going, that’s a good sign,” she said gently. 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god…” 

MaKayla was panicking, and Maddie pushed aside her own rising fear. “MaKayla, I need you to listen to my voice,” she said calmly. “Rosalie needs your help right now until the ambulance arrives, and I’m going to help you give it to her.”

There was a moment of silence from MaKayla before a shaky voice spoke. “What do I do?”

“First, I need you to tell me where she’s burned. If she’s burned on her back I need you to lay her down on her tummy; burned on her tummy you need to put her on her back.”

“She… she’s burned on her back,” MaKayla stammered tearfully. “I’m laying her down on her stomach.”

Rosalie’s screaming seemed to grow louder, and Maddie’s heart broke. She gently stroked her baby bump, trying to hold back tears. “Now I need you to wet a soft cloth with cold water and place it over the burn,” she said. “Don’t rub it, we just want it placed on top.

“Okay… okay…” MaKayla stammered. “Oh god… I can’t believe I did this.”

“It’s going to be ok MaKayla, we’re almost there.” The tears were falling down Maddie’s cheeks now. “We’re almost there,” she repeated.

“Oh! Oh, I hear them! I hear the ambulance!” The phone hung up.

Maddie didn’t move for a moment, Rosalie’s screams still echoing in her ears. Her mouth was dry and her skin felt clammy. She needed to talk to Chimney; needed to reassure herself they could do this thing. 

“Are you okay, Maddie?” 

Maddie looked up to see Josh still standing next to her, looking concerned. She smiled wanly. “I’m fine.” She shrugged. “I think it’s hormones, I started panicking over my little peanut,” she said softly.

Josh sat down in the empty chair next to hers. “You’re worried about your baby?”

Maddie shrugged. “They’re not even born yet and I’m already terrified of all the horrible ways they could get hurt,” she confessed. “Hearing that baby screaming… made the possibilities all the more real.”

“Maddie…”

“I know,” Maddie interrupted. “I just…” she felt an overwhelming desire to see Chimney. Josh was wonderful, but he wasn’t the person she needed to talk her fears over. “I need to go on a lunch break.”

Josh smiled kindly at her. “Well, I’m here if you need to talk,” he said, before standing up and walking off.

Maddie smiled as he walked away before pulling out her phone.

“Hey, Maddie, what’s up?”

“Chim, let’s meet for lunch. I…” she fought back another wave of fear. “I need you.”

\---

Michael rushed into the hospital, David and Harry at his heels. “This can _not_ be happening again,” he muttered worriedly under his breath as he ran up to the desk.

Today was supposed to be a day for him to spend time with Bobby and David and Harry. Bobby canceling had been disappointing, but it was supposed to be a day of bonding and joy.

May’s terrified phone call had changed that.

“Hi, we’re here to see Athena Grant-Nash,” he said to the receptionist. “We’re her family.”

“Dad!”

Michael turned to see May and Athena walking down the hallway towards them. Athena’s left hand and wrist were wrapped in bandages, but she otherwise looked okay.

“What the hell happened?” Michael demanded, walking over to them, his son and boyfriend just behind him.

“Are you okay, mom?” Harry asked at the same time, eyes wide with worry.

“I’m okay, baby,” Athena said, ignoring Michael’s question. She held her bandaged hand out to Harry. “See? Only a little burn.”

“‘Only a little burn’?” May sounded incredulous. “Mom, that was a second-degree burn! And you’re lucky it wasn’t worse!”

Athena rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, May!”

“No, you aren’t!” May insisted.

“Woah hold it, hold it! Let’s calm down for a second!” Michael interjected. “Now, will one of you please tell me what happened?”

Athena shrugged. “I slipped while making breakfast and my hand landed on the stove.”

“Mom, you fainted on the stove with your hand on the burner! I literally had to pull you off!”

“May, drop it!” Athena’s voice boded no argument.

Michael frowned, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. “Athena, you ending up in the hospital has been happening too often lately, you can’t blame us for worrying!”

“May’s right, Athena,” David commented quietly. “I don’t like the fact that you fainted, that is often a symptom of a larger problem.”

Athena threw her hands in the air. “I’m fine!” She exclaimed angrily. “In case you forgot I am still recovering from…” her voice caught for a moment. “My larger problem involves a still-healing stab wound in my shoulder.” Her eyes were flashing, and Michael was momentarily grateful he was not the subject of her ire.

David nodded slightly. “I didn’t realize you were still having issues with that injury,” he apologized.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Michael asked, the sinking feeling in his gut not going away.

Athena’s eyes softened as she turned to him. “I’m sure, Michael,” she promised. “You don’t need to worry.”

Michael frowned, his worry only growing. After being married to her for fourteen years he knew when she was lying, no matter how good she got at it. He knew when she was lying even if she didn’t.

She was definitely lying.

\---

Maddie pushed her salad around with her fork. She could feel Chimney’s eyes on her. He was waiting for her to explain her urgency, but - like always - always knew when to give her time.

She put a bite of lettuce in her mouth, forcing herself to chew and swallow it while she fought back memories of years spent putting bandages on Buck’s cuts, or hiding bruises behind smiley face stickers. “I took a call today,” she said finally, looking up to meet his gaze.

“Bad?”

She shrugged. “Technically… technically I’ve taken worse.” She looked down again, trying to get Rosalie’s heartbreaking screams out of her mind. “Have you ever heard a baby scream in real, actual, pain?”

“Oh Maddie, I’m so sorry!”

Maddie felt tears come to her eyes again as she looked down at the table, but didn’t feel the need to fight it. She didn’t have to be strong in front of Chimney, he would be her strength when she needed it. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered.

Chimney reached across the table and took her hand gently in one of his. “Why not?”

Her makeup was starting to run, but she didn’t care right now. “There are too many things that can go wrong, and I can’t…” her voice caught in her throat, memories of picking shards of glass out of Buck’s feet, memories of Doug’s gentle touch - terrifying in its hidden threat - fighting to overwhelm her. “My family has a bad tradition of hurting the people we’re supposed to take care of.”

Chimney cupped his other hand on top of hers, sharing with her the strength she so desperately needed. “What if something goes wrong? What if I’m not enough?”

Chimney cleared his throat gently, and when Maddie looked up she saw tears in his eyes. “Maddie, you will always be more than enough,” he promised. “And if there’s ever a time that you feel like you’re not, I’m going to be right there to fill in the gaps.”

She smiled at him through her tears. “Thank you, Chim,” she whispered as he squeezed her hand again.

“Hey, anytime,” he promised.

A comfortable silence fell over the two of them as they ate their food, but Maddie could barely swallow past the lump in her throat as the fear that seemed to freeze her heart only increased. Chimney has so much faith in her… but it was a faith she didn’t deserve. She didn’t know how to be a good parent; didn’t know how to protect her baby from the painful world she was bringing them into. How could she, when the only example that had ever been set for her brought nothing but pain?

\---

“Athena!” Bobby called as he rushed through the front door, heart pounding in his chest. He’d had his phone turned off while he and Buck met with Abuela. He had wanted to prioritize what was clearly going to be the most important thing he did all day. 

He had prioritized badly.

Athena stepped out of the kitchen as he got to the bottom of the stairs, and his eyes immediately fell on her left hand, wrapped up past her wrist in white bandages. “Hey, Bobby,” she smiled as if his world wasn’t threatening to drop out from beneath his feet, as if dark fears weren’t threatening to choke him. “How was your meeting with Eddie’s Abuela?”

He didn’t answer, just took her in his arms and held her close, begging for her to be okay. After a moment she pushed gently against him, pulling away from him. “I’m okay, Bobby,” she whispered.

“No, you’re not,” his voice caught in his throat as he spoke. “Athena, what’s going on?”

“I’m just taking a little longer than expected to heal, that’s all.” 

She tried walking away from him and he grabbed her unbandaged hand, trying to fight down his fears. “Athena this isn’t…” his voice caught as a black fear entered his mind. _“Dear God, please don’t let her be dying. I can’t lose her too…”_ “This isn’t normal,” he finally finished. “The headaches, the memory lapses, now fainting? It’s not normal!” He was shaking now, fighting back a wave of panic. “Athena, please… don’t lie to me.”

She stepped closer to him again, wrapping her arms around his neck. He buried his face in her neck, breathing in her scent. “I’m okay, Bobby.”

Somehow he didn’t feel reassured.“Promise me you’ll tell me if there’s something going on,” he whispered.

She was silent for a moment as they held each other close. “I promise,” she finally said.

Bobby couldn’t help but think she wasn’t telling the truth, no matter how much she might think she was. He held her tighter, not wanting to let go; afraid that if he did he would lose her. _“Please, don’t be dying,”_ be begged silently. 

She pulled away from him slightly, placing one hand along his jawline, and looked into his eyes. “You need to stop worrying about me,” she told him gently. “Healing is a process, and that’s what I’m doing.”

He nodded, but his fears were not alleviated. “And I’m with you every step of the way,” he promised. _“Even if it ends with me losing you,”_ he added silently.

She nodded slightly, a faint smile on her lips. “I know you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and let me know how you liked my latest update! (and I promise the next one will come out soon)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right when the Buckley siblings start to think they can be good parents to their respective children, an unexpected betrayal might cost Buck custody of Christopher

“Chris?” Buck gently shook Christopher’s shoulder. It was a little earlier than when he normally got him up, but today was really important. “Christopher, it’s time to wake up.”

Christopher stretched out, and Buck wanted to laugh at the adorable sleepy sounds he made as he woke up.

“Good morning, Buck!” Christopher smiled, kicking his blanket off and sitting up.

Buck took a seat on the bed next to Christopher, his heart feeling strangely tight. The hearing was today; this might be his last time spending the morning with Chris. 

“Good morning, buddy.” His voice was tight to his own ears.

Christopher tilted his head to the side and looked up at him. “What’s wrong, Buck?”

Buck laughed softly - nothing could get past Christopher. “I’m just nervous about today,” he admitted.

“Well, we can win anything as long as we do it together,” Christopher said with a grin.

“Yeah…” Buck pushed back a wave of fear, wondering if this was the right choice. He didn’t know how to be a father, maybe Christopher would be better off with his grandparents. _“Oh Eddie…”_ he said silently, wishing that his best friend was still there. _“What if you had too much faith in me?”_

“Chris,” Buck swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Christopher nodded. “I want to live with you, Buck.”

“But your grandparents really love you. They… they just want what’s best for you,” Buck almost choked on the words, no matter how true they were. He didn’t want to win this case if it wasn’t what Christoher _really_ wanted.

Christopher looked down at his hands. “Don’t you want me, Buck?”

Buck’s heart stopped. “What?”

Christopher’s face was sad, and he didn’t look up from his hands. “You keep saying how great Grandma and Grandpa are. Do you want me to go with them?”

Buck’s heart broke, and he pushed back a wave of guilt. He hadn’t thought… “Oh, Christopher,” he said, voice thick with emotion as he gathered him in a hug. “I want nothing more than to keep you forever as long as that makes you happy.”

Christopher wrapped his arms around his neck, sniffling softly. “Then I want to be with you!”

Buck rubbed Christopher’s back gently. “Then let’s win this thing together,” he told him.

He felt Christopher nod, and held him even more tightly. He would never really be ready to do this, but right now that didn’t matter. His own doubts could wait.

\---

Bobby set a bowl of warm water on the table beside the rest of the medical supplies before taking a seat, gently taking Athena’s bandaged hand between his own. “Are you ready?”

She nodded, and he gently began working to unwrap her hand. The bandage stuck slightly to the burn as he unwrapped it and Athena tensed up, closing her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, gently loosening the bandage with a few drops of water. She nodded slightly, the gesture tight, but didn’t open her eyes. Changing the dressing was incredibly painful for her - it’s why she insisted they do it early in the day before the kids woke up.

Finally, after a few moments the bandages were off. Just like every other time he had changed the dressing, Bobby’s heart lurched at the sight of her red and blistering skin. She didn’t deserve this.

He reached for a clean washcloth and dipped it into the bowl of water. “Are you ready?”

Athena nodded, her right hand gripping the edge of the table and her lips pursed tightly together. “Yes.”

This was always the worst part of it.

Bobby carefully began cleaning the burn, heart wrenching at Athena’s agonized whimper. “I’m sorry,” he said again, wishing he could shoulder the pain for her.

“So, do you think…” she interrupted her own sentence with another harsh whimper. Bobby stopped for a moment, giving her a chance to compose herself. “Do you think Buck has a chance of winning his case?” She finally asked him, eyes still closed.

“I think we have a good chance,” he answered as he started cleaning the burn again. “With Abuela’s testimony and getting you as a character witness…” he pretended not to see the pained tears leaking from the corner of her eyes, “... I think Buck has a really strong case.”

She nodded. “Judge Forster is a good woman. I’ve…” her voice caught with pain. “I’ve worked with her before.”

Bobby reached for another cloth, using it to pat her hand dry. “Buck has a lot of confidence in that,” he told her. “He thinks that a good word from you will mean more than even Abuela’s testimony.” He reached out and squeezed her uninjured hand. “A lot of people have a lot of respect for you.”

She laughed softly, the sound still pained. “Buck is too kind,” she said wryly.

He lifted her uninjured hand to his lips, planting a gentle kiss. “You deserve every bit of respect, if not more, that people have for you.”

She opened her eyes and gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. He kissed her hand again, suddenly overwhelmed by his love for this beautiful, incredible woman. “I love you,” he told her softly.

Her eyes sparkled. “I love you too,” she answered. 

After a moment she glanced down at her injured hand, a pained shadow briefly crossing her face. “We really need to finish this up before the kids get up,” she said softly.

He nodded, picking up the fresh dressing as Athena took a deep steadying breath. “Are you ready?”

She closed her eyes again and nodded. “Ready.”

\---------------------------

Fourteen Years Ago

\---------------------------

“Junior, finish your vegetables!”

Buck crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, glowering up at his dad. “My name is Buck,” he said sullenly.

“Whatever your name is, you need to finish your vegetables,” dad told him, face darkening.

Buck flinched. He knew better than to talk back to dad… mostly. But he was thirteen now and almost as tall as dad. He didn’t need Maddie to protect him from his heavy fists anymore.

“Come on, Bucko,” Doug laughed, putting his arm around Maddie. “Do you think I got this good looking without eating my vegetables at dinnertime?”

Buck just glared harder, glancing towards Maddie. He hated Doug, hated the way he put his arms around Maddie even when she was doing other things - hated his too-friendly voice.

“Junior!” Dad’s voice was kind, and Buck swallowed down a wave of fear. “I really don’t want to threaten to take away your dessert.”

Buck scowled and shoved a forkful of green beans in his mouth.

Doug cleared his throat. “Well, now that we have that out of the way, Maddie and I want to make an announcement.”

“Doug, no!” Maddie laughed, pushing against him slightly. “Not now!”

“Yes now,” Doug grinned back, pulling Maddie closer to him again and planting a kiss on her cheek.

Buck winced, wishing Doug would stop. “Hey, she doesn’t want to right now, whatever it is!” he said sullenly.

“Of course she does,” Doug said while Maddie laughed. “Because we are going to spend the rest of our lives together!”

Buck’s fork dropped to his plate as he glanced in horror between Doug and Maddie. _This couldn’t be happening!_ But Maddie was laughing and smiling.

“Oh, Maddie, I’m so happy for you!” Buck glanced at mom, still not quite comprehending what was happening. _Why was mom happy? This was the worst thing that could happen!_

“Do you have a ring yet?”

“No, we were going to go ring shopping later today.”

Buck shook his head and pinched his arm. Maybe this was just a dream?

“I wanted to wait to tell you until _after_ we got the ring,” Maddie was saying, pushing Doug slightly. He grabbed her wrist and pulled it off of him before lifting her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss on her fingers. “Yeah but we don’t need that to make a family announcement,” he told her.

“No!” Buck finally shouted, jumping to his feet and knocking his chair over backwards.

“Junior!” Dad’s voice was dangerously quiet, but Buck didn’t care. He didn’t care that he might have broken the chair, didn’t worry about the fear that gripped him at dad’s voice. All he cared about were the chills going up and down his spine as he looked at Doug and Maddie. 

“Buck,” Maddie said gently, tears glistening in her eyes as she started to get up from her chair. Doug grabbed her hand and pulled her down again, gently nuzzling her cheek. “Buck, what’s wrong?”

Buck brushed hot tears out of his eyes with one hand. “You can’t marry him, Mads!”

His heart was pounding. How could she not see that he was just like dad? How could she not hear the same danger in every soft word, every kind smile?

“Evan, stop it!” Mom said gently. “You’re making your sister cry.”

“Junior you go to your room this instant!” Dad said angrily. “How dare you ruin your sister’s moment?”

Buck bolted out of the room, and ran upstairs to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. _Didn’t Maddie see that Doug was bad news?_

\--- 

“Buck?” Maddie called out, knocking gently on his door. “Buck, can I come in please?”

She waited a second before knocking again. “Buck?”

Finally she heard a muffled “Come in,” and walked in, closing the door softly behind her.

Buck was sitting on his bed, holding his pillow upright in his lap and resting his chin on it. His eyes were red from crying.

“Hey,” Maddie said comfortingly, sitting next to him and rubbing his shoulder gently. “Are you okay?”

Buck didn’t answer for a moment, but Maddie waited patiently, letting him take his time.

“Doug is bad news, Maddie,” Buck said at last.

“And you’re just being overprotective,” Maddie laughed. She looked down at her hands, feeling herself starting to blush. “Doug is the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met.

“Doug is just like dad,” Buck protested.

Maddie’s heart broke. She wanted so badly for the two most important people in her life to like each other. “Buck, why would you say that?”

Buck pulled his feet up on the bed and turned away so that his back was to her. “He just is,” he said.

“Buck, has Doug ever…” Maddie hesitated. “Has he ever hurt you?” She was afraid to hear the answer, because as much as she loved him she would leave him for that.

“No.”

Maddie breathed a sigh of relief. “Then why…”

“I don’t know, Maddie!” Buck said, turning back around to face her again. Tears began welling up in his eyes, and Maddie reached out and gently wiped them away. “He just… he _sounds_ like dad! When dad is being nice!”

“Buck...” Maddie shook her head, wishing she could explain everything to Buck. Sometimes he seemed so much older than thirteen, and sometimes he was still that little seven year old who would always run to her for help after dad got mad. “Do you think you’re being replaced? Because if you are, I promise you that will never happen.”

Buck stared at her incredulously. “No!”

Maddie laughed at the indignant sound in his voice. “I just had to check,” she told him, nudging him gently. “But even if that isn’t what you’re afraid of I promise you, you don’t have to worry about anything.” She felt herself blushing as she thought of Doug’s gentle touch and soft kisses. “Doug is so kind, and would never hurt anybody. He’s nothing like dad.”

\----------------

Present Day

\----------------

Buck put his phone on speaker and set it on his dresser as he reached for his tie. Bobby had shown him how to tie a tie, but that didn’t mean he was good enough to try it one-handed.

“I don’t know Mads, what if…” he hesitated. “What if I don’t win this case?”

 _“Then you can rest easy knowing that you did everything you could to keep your promise to Eddie,”_ Maddie said through the phone.

Buck was silent for a moment as he tied his tie. “I’m… scared Maddie,” he confessed quietly.

Maddie’s voice was equally soft. _“Why?”_ No judgement, no condescension, just a promise to listen.

Buck shrugged. “Our family history isn’t… the best. What if they look at what dad is… at _how_ he is, and decide that it’s too risky to leave Christopher with me.”

He turned around and leaned against the dresser, not wanting to look at himself in the mirror right now. “What if they think I’m just like him?” he whispered.

 _“No, Evan.”_ Maddie said, her voice firm. Buck smiled faintly in spite of his fears. Maddie didn’t often call him Evan, but whenever she did he was reminded of that day so many years ago when he was eight years old with glass stuck in his feet, and how safe and loved he felt when talking to her. _“They won’t hold dad against you.”_

“But what if they do?”

 _“Buck…”_ Maddie’s voice was soft. It sounded like she was holding back tears. _“You are the one who is so aware of how dad is that you picked up on Doug giving off the same warning signs when you were barely thirteen. You were never like him.”_

Buck closed his eyes, wanting to believe her.

_“The only similarity between you and dad is your name, and we fixed that a long time ago.”_

Buck nodded, warmth flooding through him as she brought up that day. It was a memory that should have been filled with fear and rage and pain, but it wasn’t.

 _“And it’s_ you _that they will be looking at, not dad. They won’t judge you based on who raised you.”_

Buck smiled, a sudden realization striking him. “I hope they do, Maddie,” he said, remembering a childhood where every bruise was covered with a smiley face sticker, and every cut was taken care of with gentle hands.

 _“What?”_ Maddie gasped.

“Dad was awful, and mom didn’t often do anything to stop it,” Buck explained, warming to his realization. “But they aren’t the ones who raised me. You are.”

 _“Buck...”_ Maddie’s voice was thick with tears. 

Buck paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking, his confidence growing. “Dad was never my parent, not really. Not even during the good days,” he smiled, heart suddenly filled to bursting. “I know I can be Christopher’s parent, because I learned everything I needed to know about it from you.”

 _“Oh, Buck…”_ Maddie was definitely crying.

“I can live up to Eddie’s faith in me, Maddie,” Buck whispered, wiping away a tear of his own. “And it’s because of you.” He smiled internally, thinking about his best friend. _“I can do this, Eddie. I really can.”_

\---

“I’ll see you soon, Buck,” Maddie said just before ending the call, eyes still filled with tears at what Buck had said. She laughed softly when her baby chose that exact moment to kick, and she placed one hand protectively over her bump.

“Is everything okay?”

She turned to find Chimney standing at the door of her bedroom, leaning casually against the frame. “Yeah,” she laughed, wiping away another tear.

Chimney walked further into the room, a small grin on his face. “Either you are exceedingly happy right now, or your hormones are acting up again,” he teased.

She gave him a deadpan stare. “Hormones?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

Chimney raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I just wanted to cover all my bases.”

He walked up to her and bent down, pressing a small kiss on her bump. “Baby Han messes with mom’s emotions sometimes,” he said, peering up at her. “I had to make sure to scold them properly if they were to blame. Get some of that dad practice in before they get here.”

Maddie laughed, feeling as if she had never been happier in her entire life. “Well baby Han is not the one to blame for these tears,” she told Chimney. “Uncle Buck is.”

“Oh?” Chimney asked, standing up straight again. “Do you want to tell me more?”

Maddie smiled, happy tears filling her eyes. “You know how worried I’ve been that I won’t be enough, or that I can’t do this?”

Chimney took both her hands in his and squeezed them gently. “Yeah.”

Maddie pulled one hand out of his grasp to gently stroke her bump. _“They aren’t the ones who raised me. You are.”_ Buck’s words echoed pleasantly in her ears. “I think we got this.”

\---

Buck squeezed Maddie’s hand as Athena was called to the stand, his heart pounding. It felt like they’d been sitting in the courtroom for hours as each case was presented. But with Abuela’s support and now getting Athena as a character witness… there was no way he wasn’t going to win the case.

 _“We did it, Eddie,”_ he whispered silently to Eddie’s ghost, closing his eyes. He could almost feel Eddie beside him. It was so tangible he almost thought if he reached out he would feel Eddie’s hand in his own.

Buck opened his eyes again, coming back to reality. Athena had been sworn in and was sitting at the witness bench. Soon, he wouldn’t have to worry about anybody taking Christopher from him again.

“Sergeant Grant, do you think Evan Buckley Jr. has the proper qualifications to take on this responsibility?” Judge Forster asked.

“To him being a firefighter is everything,” Athena began. “The problem is that he doesn’t hesitate to throw anything and everything aside in pursuit of that.”

Buck’s heart stopped. What was Athena doing?

“He is irresponsible, careless, and doesn’t listen even when his own health might be on the line,” Athena continued. She winced slightly and brought a hand up to rub her temple as she spoke. “What’s more he will throw aside the people he claims to care for in favor of whatever bone-headed scheme he’s come up with.” 

Buck couldn’t breathe. How could Athena have betrayed him like this?

“He hasn’t hesitated to use personal information to his own selfish advantage,” Athena was still talking, but her voice sounded shaky now. “Somebody like that is not trustworthy, and shouldn’t be depended on in the kinds of situations he would be put in were he to win this case.”

“For the record, Sergeant, are you saying that you think Mr. Buckley is undependable in this situation?” Judge Forster asked, frowning slightly. “Do you believe it would be in everybody’s best interest to deny him his case?”

Buck could barely see through the red haze of rage, could barely hear anything through his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Athena _knew_ how important this case was, how much he needed to keep his promise to Eddie. How could she have done this?

“Buck has a good heart, Judge Forster,” Athena said. “But for him to win this case would do nothing but put him and the people around him at risk.”

He had thought Athena was on his side, thought she supported him.

“Court will adjourn while this judge considers the alternatives,” Judge Forster was saying. “We will reconvene in 72 hours.”

The thud of the gavel sounded like a death knell to Buck. He got numbly to his feet, hardly noticing Maddie’s comforting hand on his shoulder. He was going to lose Christopher… _“I’m sorry Eddie, I’m so sorry,”_ he said silently to Eddie’s ghost.

He stepped out into the aisle and almost bumped into Mr. and Mrs. Diaz. At least Mrs. Diaz had the decency to look sympathetic.

“It seems as if your witness has just handed Christopher right over to us,” Mr. Diaz said. “I should thank you for making our case easier.”

“Ramon,” Mrs. Diaz scolded, placing a hand on her husband’s shoulder and glancing apologetically at Buck.

Buck clenched his fists, wanting nothing more than to punch Mr. Diaz for saying that, but forced himself to turn away. Getting in an argument with Eddie’s parents _now,_ in the middle of the courtroom, would only hurt his case. Or at least what was left of it.

He watched Bobby and Athena walk out, Bobby with his arm wrapped around her. His jaw clenched and he saw red again, his blood boiling.

_“Why would Athena do that to me?”_ he thought, stalking after them out of the courtroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry (not).
> 
> Also, there are already a few differences between my fanfic and season 4. Namely: I think Maddie is a little farther along in the show than in my fic so they don’t know if baby Han is a boy or a girl.
> 
> Comment and let me know how you liked this update, and if you were able to guess who the betrayal was coming from


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Athena's apparent betrayal of Buck, the entire Fire Fam is hurting in more ways than one.
> 
> But sometimes, not even the explanation of "why" can make things hurt less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning, but this chapter does reference the child abuse scene that was in the first chapter. 
> 
> Once again, the canon of this fanfic differs from show canon. (SPOILER ALERT) There is no third Buckley sibling in this story, if only because it is completely irrelevant to the story I'm telling. (END SPOILER ALERT)
> 
> Also, shout out to FoolishAngel1987 for leaving the exact comment I was hoping I would get after coming up with that betrayal plot point, and to BathenaBuddieMadney for hitting it almost right on the head in guessing WHY Athena seemed to betray Buck the way she did.
> 
> Beta'd by the incredible ethanjwillis.

“Athena, are you okay?” Bobby asked as they walked out of the courtroom, fear freezing his blood. She wasn’t okay. It didn’t matter that she thought she was, she clearly wasn’t. There was something deathly wrong with her.

 _“Oh God, I can’t lose her,”_ he prayed silently.

“Yes, I’m…” Athena put a hand to her temple. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine,” he told her, stepping in front of her, placing both hands gently on her shoulders. “Athena, do you even know what you said in there?”

Athena frowned, “I…”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence before Buck came up behind her, grabbing her by the shoulders and spinning her around.

“What the hell was that Athena?” he demanded, eyes blazing.

Athena took an unsteady step backwards as Buck grabbed her shoulders. “Did I do something to offend you so much that you _fucking_ betrayed me like that?” he demanded, shaking her.

“Buck, that’s enough!” Bobby said, grabbing Buck’s wrist and practically throwing him off Athena, his fears increasing. Athena stumbled when Buck let go, and Bobby caught her before she could fall to the floor.

“Did you see what she did in there?” Buck was practically screaming. “She was deliberately sabotaging me.”

Bobby didn’t have time for Buck right now. Athena’s eyes were only half open, and he was supporting her full weight. “Buck, stop it!” he thundered. “If this is how you behave when you get angry, maybe you don’t _deserve_ the trust Eddie put in you! If you can’t control your temper, what are you going to do when, and I do mean _when_ Christopher does something to make you angry? Are you going to attack him too?”

Buck stepped back, looking as if Bobby had punched him, but Bobby didn’t care right now. 

“Athena,” he called gently, cupping her face with his hand. “Athena, talk to me.”

She didn’t respond, and his heart seemed to stop as she fell completely limp in his arms.

“Someone call 911!” he screamed, picking her up gently.

“What… what’s wrong with her?” he heard Buck ask.

“You stay the hell away from her, Buckley!” he said angrily, pulling out his phone and calling 911 himself. “You think you _deserve_ Christopher after doing this to her?”

He didn’t give Buck a chance to answer as he turned away from him just as 911 picked up.

_“911, what’s your em…”_

“This is Bobby Nash, Captain 118,” he interrupted. “My wife just fainted, I need an ambulance over here stat!”

\---

Buck took a deep steadying breath, not wanting to walk through the door of Carla’s house. He wasn’t ready to tell Christopher that they had lost… even if it would be a few more days before it was official. 

_“You think you_ deserve _Christopher…”_ Bobby and Athena’s words echoed in his mind, threatening to drown him. _“Somebody like that is not trustworthy….”_ He wanted to scream, wanted to pretend he had never heard those words. Wanted to pretend this was all an anxiety fueled nightmare.

 _“For him to win this case would do nothing but put him and the people around him at risk.”_ Did Athena have so little faith in him? _“Maybe you don’t_ deserve _the trust Eddie put in you!”_ He would have expected words like that from his dad, but from Bobby? Buck choked back a sob and rested his head against the door, his doubts returning tenfold; the confidence he had felt earlier in the day feeling farther away than ever.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” he whispered aloud. “I failed you…”

Hot tears came to his eyes, and he wiped them roughly away with one hand. He took another deep breath, wishing he didn’t have to have this conversation. _“You have to do this, Buck.”_ he told himself. _“You owe him that much.”_

He knocked gently on the door, half hoping Carla wouldn’t hear it.

The door opened. _Of course she heard it._ Before he could even open his mouth he was wrapped in one of Carla’s warm, gentle hugs. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she told him softly. _Of course Maddie had called her before Buck could get there._

He couldn’t hold back the tears any longer at her words, and he broke down. “I failed,” he cried into her shoulder, shaking with grief and rage and regret. “I tried but I failed.”

“It’s okay, baby,” Carla said gently, rubbing circles into his back. “Let it all out.”

“Why would she do that to me,” he cried.

“I don’t know, baby,” Carla crooned gently. “But we’re going to keep trying, okay?”

Buck pulled back from her hug, shaking his head. “I don’t think… we can…” he shook his head, trying to forget the hurtful words that were still swirling around in his head. “She made it… really clear.”

“Are you giving up, then?”

It was supposed to be a challenge. Supposed to get him to rise to the occasion. Supposed to give him the willpower to keep trying.

“Yes.”

It hadn’t worked.

Carla frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but Buck interrupted her. “Carla, I did everything I could. But if…” he bit back another sob. “If Athena and Bobby both really think I can’t do this…” he trailed off with a shrug.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’m sure.”

Buck took another deep breath. He needed to talk with Christopher; needed to tell him they had lost. “Where’s Chris?”

“He’s in the living room,” Carla said, stepping aside and bringing Buck into her house. 

He gave her a grateful smile, glad she didn’t try to argue with him; this was going to be hard enough already.

He walked past her and into the living room, finding Christopher seated on the floor playing with legos. His heart lurched, and part of him wanted to run away. Christopher wasn’t his anymore… the thought brought fresh tears to his eyes.

“Hey, Buck!” Chris grinned up at him, eyes sparkling.

“Uhh… hey, Chris, he managed to get out, sitting down on the floor next to him.”

“Did we win?”

Christopher’s eyes were shining with confidence, and Buck wished he could lie to him. “Chris… uhh… you know how we’ve been talking about how much your grandparents love you?”

Christopher’s smile faded slightly as he cocked his head, waiting for Buck to finish.

“Well…” how could he explain that his case was in shambles, that no judge would give him Christopher after what Athena had said. It was only a matter of time, and everybody knew it. _“Maybe you don’t_ deserve _the trust Eddie put in you!”_ Bobby’s words echoed in his ears, and he fought back tears. “Well, people decided that the two of them together can love you more than I can by myself.”

“No, that’s not true!” Christopher said, a frown crossing his face. “You took all the love you had for my dad and gave it to me! That’s more than enough!”

Buck’s heart broke, wishing Eddie were still there. “I’m sorry, Chris, but… not everybody agrees.”

“No!” Christopher yelled. “No, you promised! You said I could stay with you!” He was crying now, and Buck wished with everything in him that he could do something to fix things. “You said we could win!”

“I’m sorry, Christopher,” Buck said, reaching out and pulling Christopher into a hug. Christopher wrapped his arms around his neck, crying softly.

“And… and hey, I promise I can call you on the phone every single day,” he told him, rubbing circles into his back. “We can stay best friends forever as long as you want me.”

Christopher was crying too hard to answer, and soon Buck couldn’t hold back his own tears any longer.

_“I’m so sorry, Eddie.”_

\---

Athena groaned softly as she regained consciousness, and Bobby squeezed her uninjured hand gently, pouring every ounce of his desperate need to keep her with him in the gesture.

“Good morning,” he teased as her eyes fluttered open.

“Bobby?” She frowned, raising her other hand to rub at her temples. 

“Do you know what you’re doing here?” He asked her softly, stroking her hand gently with his thumb. She had regained consciousness on the way to the hospital and panicked; they had needed to sedate her, and she was only just now coming out of it.

“I…” she hesitated, looking confused. “I don’t know…”

Bobby’s heart constricted in his chest. _“Oh God, don’t take her from me,”_ he prayed silently. “You collapsed after Buck’s hearing,” he told her, hoping to jog her memory. “We brought you here.”

She frowned again, wincing slightly as she continued rubbing her temple. “I don't remember.”

He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her fingertips as he gently cupped her face with his other hand. She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch.

He hesitated slightly, thinking with a pang of regret of his own words to Buck. “Do you remember what you said at Buck’s hearing?”

He hadn’t believed his ears when she had spoken, and part of him still didn’t. She wanted to help Buck as much as he did… something had to have been deathly wrong for her to have said what she did.

Athena opened her eyes, frowning slightly as she looked at him. “I… said he shouldn’t rejoin the team while still on blood thinners.”

Bobby’s blood ran cold. “What?”

“Oh god,” Athena murmured. “That wasn’t…” she trailed off, eyes horrified.

“Athena, that was over a year ago,” Bobby reminded her gently, pushing back a wave of fear. If he really was losing her, he wasn’t going to spend the time he had left in grief. That could come later.

“Bobby, you need to fix this,” she said, a spark returning to her voice. “You need to help Buck get Chris.”

He stroked her cheek with his thumb, a lump rising in his throat. “I’m not leaving you,” he choked out softly. “‘Til…” he swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to hold back tears. “‘Til death do us part, remember?” he reminded her with a faint smile.

She arched her eyebrows. “Bobby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Bobby opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the soft sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. He turned around to see Athena’s doctor waiting by the door.

“Mr. and Mrs. Nash,” Dr. Hansen said. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we need to take Mrs. Nash in for a CT scan now.”

Bobby nodded and turned back to Athena, squeezing her hand again. “I’ll be waiting right here when you get back,” he promised.

Athena smiled wryly at him. “You don’t need to worry about me,” she told him, squeezing his hand in return. “What you _do_ need to do is figure out how to fix what happened and win Buck his case!”

\---

“I can’t believe Athena did that to Buck,” Chimney exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air as he paced the floor.

“Well she did,” Maddie replied from her spot on the couch, pushing back another wave of worry for Buck as yet another phone call went straight to voicemail.

“No, I mean… it literally doesn’t make sense,” Chimney continued, stopping to stand in front of her. “You know as well as I do that she would do just as much as any of the rest of us to keep Buck and Christopher together!”

Maddie tossed her phone onto the coffee table, trying to push the image of Buck’s shocked and tear-filled eyes from her memory. “I don’t know, Chimney,” she whispered.

“Athena never does something without a good reason, she _had_ to have had a reason for doing that!”

“And what if her reason was that she really does believe what she said, that Buck is too irresponsible to take care of Chris?” Maddie shot back. 

She shouldn’t be angry at Athena, not after what happened following the hearing; not knowing that she was currently in the hospital. But she couldn’t help it. Buck’s face after he confronted her, after Bobby tore him down even further… she had never seen him look so hurt and anguished. 

Her baby chose that exact moment to kick, and tears came to her eyes. “Chim… I don’t think Buck will be able to get over Bobby and Athena turning on him like that.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Chimney said, taking a seat next to her and pulling her into a hug. “Buck’s a tough guy, he’ll be okay.”

She shook her head slightly. “You don’t get it, Chim,” she said softly. “Buck…” she hesitated. “Buck gets most of his self esteem from the most important people in his life; and Bobby and Athena’s opinions of him have become especially important.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she felt tears falling down her cheeks. Chimney reached out and wiped them away gently. “To him it’s going to be the most life-altering thing - the most painful thing - to ever happen to him other than losing Eddie.”

Her baby kicked again and she bit back a sob, placing her hand protectively over her bump. “Even if that’s how they feel… he shouldn’t have had to be put in a situation where he had to hear it.”

Chimney placed one of his hands over hers. “Maddie, I know how strong Buck can be through hard times because I understand how strong his sister is.” Maddie looked over at him, and he smiled at her. “You Buckley’s have hearts of gold and hides of steel. He’ll get through this, and I will have his back for as long as I will have yours.”

Maddie laughed softly through her tears. “Promise?”

“Forever and always,” he promised, leaning over to press a tender kiss against her lips.

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, ending the kiss, a cold fear gripping her. “What about our baby?” She asked softly.

“What?” Chimney pulled back, confused, before reaching out and brushing her hair behind her ear with one hand.

Maddie sniffed softly as fresh tears came to her eyes. “I can’t help but think… what if something were to happen to both of us… what if my parents wanted to take the baby.”

“Maddie, nothing is going to happen to us,” Chimney reassured her.

“But what if it does!” She insisted, her fears bubbling to the surface. “What if there ends up being a courtroom hearing, and something unexpected happens, and my parents get custody of our baby!”

She stroked her belly protectively. “We can’t let that happen.”

Chimney nodded, taking her free hand in his. “Then we won’t,” he promised. “As soon as we can we’ll go and legally get everything set up.”

He placed his other hand on top of the hand on her belly. “I promise, you will never have to worry about someone else you love hurting the way Buck is right now.”

Maddie nodded and leaned her forehead against Chimney’s again. Her heart still ached for Buck, but with Chimney at her side she felt warm and safe and loved. She felt like she could conquer anything.

\---

Athena felt Bobby’s grip on her hand tighten comfortingly as Doctor Hansen spoke, her voice sympathetic.

“Based on your recent medical history and your age,” she shrugged. “There would have been some concern after your initial attack because of your age, but with the second concussion after you were kidnapped...” she looked down at the file in her hands. “The CT scans seem to affirm it, you have post concussive syndrome.”

Bobby’s tight grip was the only thing anchoring Athena to reality. “Is there a treatment?” she heard him ask.

“We can treat the individual symptoms,” Dr. Hansen said, but the only real treatment for PCS is time.”

“So…” Athena’s voice caught slightly. “It is something temporary?”

Dr. Hansen hesitated, tapping her file with one finger. “Usually,” she said. “But there’s no telling how long it will take before you feel back to normal. It could be days, could be months.” She shrugged again. “Sometimes the symptoms can last for over a year.”

Athena bit her lip, pushing back a wave of uncertainty.

“What treatments can you give?” Bobby asked.

“We can put Mrs. Nash on some migraine medications and some antidepressants for the headaches,” Dr. Hansen said.

Athena frowned. “Antidepressants? I’m not…”

“They can help increase neurotransmitters in the spinal cord,” Dr. Hansen interrupted. “And that in turn helps reduce your pain signals.”

Athena nodded. “And um, what about the dizziness? The memory lapses?” she squeezed Bobby’s hand tighter, afraid of what the answer might be.

“Unfortunately, time, therapy, and rest are the only real solutions to the memory lapses and dizziness,” Dr. Hansen said apologetically.

Athena closed her eyes, fighting to hold on to some semblance of control. She didn’t want to believe this was happening to her. 

“Rest?” Bobby asked as he stroked her hand. “So are you recommending a bed rest of sorts until this gets sorted out?”

Athena’s heart seemed to be wanting to beat right out of her chest. As if he sensed it, Bobby chose that moment to place his other hand protectively over hers. She took a breath, trying to gather strength from him.

“No, nothing that extreme,” Dr. Hansen said, and Athena breathed a sigh of relief. “Mrs. Nash can still do things, she just needs to stay away from the things that cause the symptoms.”

Athena opened her eyes. “I got dizzy and fainted cooking breakfast,” she said wryly, proud of how steady her voice sounded. “There doesn’t seem to be a specific cause for any of this.”

“There _is_ no conclusive cause for PCS symptoms,” Dr. Hansen said. “The best suggestion is to be careful to stay away from dangerous objects, including hot stoves or cooking utensils, don’t go to work, don’t drive anywhere, and just try to relax for a few days.” She shrugged again, tapping softly on her files again. “Hopefully your symptoms won’t come back.”

“But what if they do?” Bobby asked.

“Then you’ll both just have to hope that time will provide healing.” Dr. Hansen glanced down. “I’m sorry, but there’s not much that can be done.”

Athena looked away from Dr. Hansen, suddenly unwilling to look her in the eyes. _“I’m such a fool,”_ she silently chided herself.

“I’ll uh, I’ll leave the two of you to discuss this. The discharge nurse will be by shortly with your papers.”

And with that she was gone, and Athena was alone with her husband and her self-recriminations.

“See,” she said, turning to Bobby, giving him an arch look; trying to make light of the situation - fighting to remain in control. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

She didn’t expect Bobby to bow his head over her hand and start crying.

“Bobby?” she asked, her heart breaking as her control slipped a little farther.

“Oh God, Athena… I thought I was losing you,” Bobby said, looking up and reaching one hand out to cup her face. 

She leaned into his warm touch, finding a small measure of comfort as tears came to her own eyes. “I’m…” her voice cracked. She wasn’t okay, as much as she wanted to say she was; not with her future looming in front of her filled with uncertainty. “I’m alive,” she finally whispered.

Bobby leaned in and kissed her gently, brushing away the tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes with his thumb. After a moment he pulled back and pressed another gentle kiss against her fingers.

He seemed calmer now, although tears still glistened in his eyes. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

She couldn’t bring herself to answer as self-recriminations swirled through her mind and a wave of guilt swept over her. She had ruined Buck’s case and destroyed his family, worried Bobby and her entire family; all because of her own foolishness.

“I’m sorry, Bobby,” she said at last.

Bobby frowned, leaning back slightly in his chair. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I was a fool, Bobby,” she said, not fighting the tears that came to her eyes. “I went into that building alone, I went to that house alone; I brought this on myself with my own… my own recklessness!” She turned away from him, not wanting to meet his gaze.

“Athena,” his voice was soft. “You were just doing your job.”

“Yeah, and now I _can’t_ do my job,” she retorted, turning to look at him again. “Now I’ve destroyed Buck’s case! Now I’ve made myself a liability to those I love.” She wanted to fight the hot tears that were streaming down her face, wanted to stay strong, wanted to remain in control; but she couldn’t.

Bobby lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it again. “Athena,” he said softly. “You are not a liability.” His voice was firm. “You can _never_ be blamed for something that you cannot control.”

“We need to fix this, Bobby. Buck cannot be forced to suffer because of something that **_I_ **did!”

“And we will Athena,” Bobby reassured her. “But right now you need to focus on healing. Let me take care of helping Buck.”

Athena shook her head slightly, trying to will back the headache that was creeping back. 

“And whatever the future holds,” Bobby continued, “I’ll be at your side the entire time.” He grinned slightly. “It takes more than a couple of hours for me to forget a promise like that.

Athena nodded, her heart flooding with love for this man. She gave him an arch look. “Well then let’s face the future together.” She told him, squeezing his hand again.

\-----------------------------

Seventeen months ago

\-----------------------------

“One day, Buck! Just _one day!_ ” Eddie angrily took another sip of his beer, wishing he had something he could punch right now.

“Shannon had been buried for one _single_ day, and my parents are trying to take Christopher away! They’re trying to uproot him and take him away _from his mother’s grave!!”_ His anger was burning, like a pile of red hot coals in his chest.

“I’m sure they just had you and Christopher’s best interest in mind,” Buck said, shifting slightly in his chair, and carefully adjusting his injured leg on the footrest.

Eddie glowered, not wanting his rage to dissipate. “Since when were you the sensible one?” He groused.

Buck shrugged. “Since I’ve been cooped up with this?” He suggested, tapping his cast with one finger.

Eddie took another sip of his beer, savoring the burning heat of his rage. “My father has always been like this,” he said, flinging his arm out, spilling some of the beer. “He makes a split decision on what he thinks is best, and then he’s too pig-headed to change his mind even when confronted with an alternative!”

Buck looked down slightly, a hurt frown on his face, but Eddie was too caught up in his rage to really notice. “Look, I’ve made mistakes, and I fully admit to that, he continued. “But that doesn’t give him the right to insist on making changes that **_I_ ** have decided are bad for Christopher, _as his father!!_ Christopher hasn’t even laughed or smiled since the funeral, and my dad thinks taking him away from his home is the right plan? I…”

“Eddie,” Buck interrupted quietly. Eddie looked over at him, still simmering with rage, still feeling the hot coals of rage in his chest. “Your dad isn’t that bad.”

Eddie paused. Something in Buck’s voice was disquieting. He waited a moment, giving Buck the space to share what was on his mind.

Buck shrugged, taking a sip from his own drink. “Your dad might be a jerk, but…” he hesitated, taking another sip of his beer. “At least you know he’s got Christopher’s best interest at heart… I mean for real, not in a fake or shallow way.”

The coals in Eddie’s chest flared, but he sensed what Buck was saying had a deeper meaning, so for the moment he pushed them aside. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” he offered quietly.

Buck shrugged again, avoiding eye contact. “I am,” he said finally. “I don’t know what I did wrong… maybe I was too much like him and he thought he could beat it out of me, but my dad was… truly awful.”

The coals in Eddie’s chest froze over at Buck’s words, and the rage turned icy. “Your dad…” Eddie winced slightly as he realized how much his vent must have dug into Buck’s old wounds. “I’m sorry, Buck.”

Buck shrugged again. “It was a long time ago,” he said, taking another sip. “I just…” he hesitated. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have shared that. You have legitimate reasons to be mad.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “Maybe,” he said, feeling another faint flicker from the coals in his chest. “But it’s a good perspective to have.”

Buck nodded, smiling slightly at him, rubbing his injured leg again. “Not everybody is as good at being a dad as you or Bobby, but I don’t think your dad did it to hurt either one of you.”

Eddie’s mouth twisted in a half smile as he looked fondly at Buck. “And you are _extremely_ good at diffusing a situation,” he laughed. The coals in his chest were still burning, but the rage was sharper, and directed at the man that made Buck think being abused was somehow his fault.

“And for the record,” he added, trying to keep his voice light. “Whatever your dad did to you wasn’t your fault.”

Buck shrugged. “Maddie always told me that, but sometimes I still believe it.”

“Buck, you are one of the kindest people I have ever met, and I’ve _seen_ how you are with Christopher! No child deserves to be hurt, but you didn’t even grow up into somebody who is _anything_ like the man who beat you.”

Buck smiled softly. “Thanks, Eddie.”

“Buck…” Eddie hesitated, glancing down at Buck’s cast. This conversation felt like the perfect time to ask him to become Christopher’s legal guardian if anything were to happen to him, but he couldn’t ask him now; not while he was still healing. “There is no single person who I trust more with my kid than you,” he said at last. “Whatever it is your dad did, you are nothing like him.”

Buck smiled at him, this time the grin lighting his eyes. “Thanks, Eddie.”

“And hey, if you ever need somebody to talk to about it, I’ll always be here to listen,” Eddie told him.

After a minute Buck started talking, telling Eddie about the man who’s name he shared. The man who forced him to walk through glass, who used him as his own canvas - ready to be covered in black and blue like some sadistic artist. The coals in his chest heated up further and further until his heart felt like it was filled with a blazing inferno.

At one point Buck started crying, and Eddie didn’t hesitate to pull him into a gentle hug. Right now was about being here for Buck, not asking Buck to be here for him. He could ask him to agree to be Christopher’s guardian some other day. 

He would have plenty of time later.

\---------------

Present Day

\---------------

Buck took a deep breath before knocking on the Diaz’s hotel room door. He _had_ to try this. As much as he had told Carla he was giving up, he had to try this one last time.

He swallowed back a wave of anger when Mr. Diaz opened the door, his thoughtless words at the hearing echoing in his mind. _“Your witness just handed Christopher right over to us. I should thank you for making our case easier.”_ Buck swallowed his pride. This wasn’t the time for a confrontation.

“What are you doing here?” Mr. Diaz asked in greeting.

“Um… hey Mr. Diaz…” Buck managed to get out past the lump in his throat. “Can I come in?”

Mrs. Diaz appeared in the doorway behind Mr. Diaz, smiling warmly at Buck. “Of course Christopher’s Uncle Buck can come in,” she said warmly, taking Buck by the hand and drawing him inside.

Buck blinked back tears. “Um… Uncle Buck?” he asked. He hadn’t expected that.

“Helena…” Mr. Diaz groused softly.

“Ramon,” she answered, eyebrows raised. “If Buck loves Christopher enough to be _willing_ to take care of him for the rest of his life, he’s family.” her comment boded no argument.

Buck smiled slightly. In any other situation he would have loved Mrs. Diaz - she reminded him a little bit of Athena, a thought which caused another wave of grief and anger to wash over him. It hadn't even been a full day, but he already bitterly missed Bobby and Athena.

“Um… thanks,” he managed to get out.

“Would you like some coffee?” Mrs. Diaz asked, taking a step towards the tiny hotel kitchen.

“No, thanks,” he managed to get out. Appealing to them was hard enough, but somehow Mrs. Diaz’ kindness was making it worse.

“Well then, I’ll repeat my original question,” Mr. Diaz said, arms crossed slightly. “What are you doing here?”

Buck cleared his throat, his carefully rehearsed speech completely forgotten. “I came to talk about Christopher,” he finally said softly.

“Why don’t you take a seat,” Mrs. Diaz said, drawing him to the narrow hotel couch. 

Buck followed her numbly, confusing thoughts and emotions swirling around his mind. Hope, fear, anger, love; he wasn’t sure what he was feeling. “Mrs. Diaz, I talked to Christopher…” he began. “I… I told him I probably lost the case.”

“Because you did,” Mr. Diaz snarked crossly. 

“Ramon!” Mrs. Diaz scolded. “Stop it!”

Buck focused on Mrs. Diaz. He would get nowhere with her husband, but she seemed to be understanding. “He says he wants to stay with me.”

Mrs. Diaz looked down at her hands, tears coming to her eyes.

“Buck, Christopher is nine! He’s not old enough to know what he wants,” Mr. Diaz said from across the room.

Buck kept his gaze fixed on Mrs. Diaz.

“Buck,” she said at least, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. “I just buried my son.” She shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks. “You can’t possibly know the agony of having to bury your own child.”

Mr. Diaz walked across the room and gently put his hands on his wife’s shoulders comfortingly. She reached up and placed one of her hands on his. “We just want to keep a little part of our son near us,” Mr. Diaz said quietly, tears filling his eyes. “Christopher is all that’s left of the boy we raised… the man he became.”

Buck hesitated, not sure how to respond to that. “But shouldn’t you respect his wishes? His last wish…” he choked on his own words as the memory of Eddie’s final moments flashed before him, and he couldn’t hold back his own tears. _“I’m trying, Eddie,”_ he said silently to Eddie’s ghost.

“The last thing Eddie ever said while he was alive was to ask me to take care of Chris,” he finally said. “He didn’t want him taken away from Shannon’s grave. He didn’t want him uprooted.”

“Buck, that close to death Eddie was probably delusional,” Mr. Diaz said thickly, blinking back his tears. “He didn’t know what he wanted - all he knew was that you _happened_ to be there with him.”

Buck shook his head. “Then why would he tell Abuela the same thing months earlier?”

Mr. Diaz frowned and looked away briefly.

“It’s still the court’s decision, Buck.” Mrs. Diaz said softly. “And we are his family.”

“And unlike you, we don’t risk our lives every day in our jobs,” Mr. Diaz added, still frowning. “The answer is no, Buck. When the judge gives us Christopher, we aren’t changing our minds.”

“Even if it’s going against what _Christopher_ wants? Against Eddie’s dying wish?”

Fresh tears sprang into Mrs. Diaz’ eyes. “I’m sorry, Buck,” she whispered. “My baby boy is gone, and I won’t let go of the only thing that’s left of him.” Her voice cracked slightly. “I can’t.”

Buck nodded, the faint glimmer of hope he had had when he walked in the door vanishing. “I have to go,” he whispered, standing up off the couch.

 _“I’m so sorry, Eddie,”_ he told Eddie’s ghost for what felt like the thousandth time as he walked out the door. _“I did everything I could.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm very very (not) sorry for that.
> 
> Leave me a comment and tell me how I did and let me know if I made you cry. ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the custody battle for Christopher finally comes to an end, Athena and Buck both need to come to terms with their hopes and fears for the future.
> 
> Plus, Maddie and Chimney's fears for their baby are finally laid to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me a week longer than anticipated to get finished.
> 
> In my defense, work has been crazy, and when you write for a living sometimes you don't want to write (even the stuff you WANT to write) in your off time.

“May, you need to stop worrying about me,” Athena said into her phone as she put another clean shirt away in a drawer - one of the few things she could do without worrying Bobby.

 _“I’ll stop worrying about you when you let me help you,”_ May told her.

Athena shook her head. “May, that’s not your job!” her voice caught slightly as she shoved down another wave of uncertainty.

May was silent for a moment, and Athena glanced over at her phone as she put away laundry, wondering if May had hung up.

 _“Mom,”_ May finally said, almost in a whisper. _“Do you remember what I told you after I got shot?”_

Athena pursed her lips slightly, pushing back the memories of that day. “I do.”

 _“You taught me to be strong, and I_ **_was_ ** _, even though I was scared. Now I want to be strong for you.”_

Athena was glad this conversation was happening over the phone; glad that May couldn’t see the tears in her eyes. She needed the strength May was offering - needed strength to get through her uncertain future - but she couldn’t ask that of her daughter. “I’ll be fine, May.” she finally said.

 _“You at least need somebody around to help with the housework!”_ May insisted. _“I looked it up; you need to not do anything too strenuous! That might trigger another incident!”_

Athena looked down, focusing on putting away the rest of the laundry. She couldn’t burden May with her struggle - couldn’t let her see how difficult this was. She couldn’t share with her the fears that were plaguing her; the fears that only Bobby knew about. As much as she needed all the strength she could get, she would have to depend solely on her husband for that.

 _“And I can be there if something happens while Bobby’s at work,”_ May added, her voice soft with unshed tears.

Athena’s resolve hardened. She couldn’t make May go through that again. “I’ll be fine, May! I don’t need you to worry about me, or to be strong for me,” she said firmly. “I need you to be strong for yourself and for Harry,” she added gently.

May sighed, and Athena knew she had conceded the argument. _“Just… just be careful mom, okay?”_

“I will baby, I promise.”

_“I love you, mom.”_

“I love you too, baby.”

Athena ended the call and sighed softly, putting away the last of the clean laundry. She closed her eyes, pushing back a wave of loneliness. As much as she needed to hide her struggle from her children, she wanted nothing more than to have them here with her.

She wished Bobby were here, but he had left a little while ago to go visit Buck to talk about fixing his broken case. With Bobby and her children all gone, her house felt big and lonely - as if nothing existed other than her fears and her self-recriminations. A tear fell down her cheek as she fought back a fresh wave of guilt at the thought of what she had done to Buck - feeling as if she was losing grip of her control. 

Bobby had asked her if she had wanted to come with him to visit Buck, but she’d declined. She was the last person in the world Buck would want to see right now.

After a moment Athena pushed the dresser drawer closed, trying to push away her self-recriminations. No matter how guilty she felt, it wasn’t going to do Buck any good. She glanced out the window before heading back into the living room.

It took her a moment to register the jeep parked in her driveway. 

_Buck?_

Without even stopping to think she rushed to the front door. She didn’t care why he was here, just that he was _here._

Buck didn’t seem to see her as she approached his jeep. He was staring at the passenger seat of his car as if he was seeing someone who wasn’t there, tears in his eyes.

“Buck?” she asked softly, putting a hand on the open window.

He jumped and turned toward her, and Athena had to fight back tears at the expression on his face. He seemed so lost and afraid - and so full of anger.

“I… I’m sorry,” Buck said, fumbling with his keys. “I know you don’t want me here. I just… I’ll go.”

Athena reached into the car and grabbed his arm gently. “I don’t think so Buckaroo,” she told him, hoping she wasn’t about to push him even farther away. “You are coming inside.”

Buck looked down a moment, a half-smile crossing his lips for a moment before it was replaced with a frown. “I don’t want to impose.” He sounded bitter, and Athena’s heart ached for him. _This was all her fault._

“Buck, having you here is never an imposition,” she told him softly. “Now let’s go.”

He nodded slightly as he obeyed her, stepping out of his jeep and following her numbly into the house. 

“Is, uh… is Bobby here?” he asked as she shut the front door behind them. “I… I know he doesn't… that neither of you…”

Tears came to Buck’s eyes, and Athena’s heart broke as he wiped them away roughly.

“Buck,” she said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from her touch and hurried down the stairs away from her. Her heart ached as she followed him down.

“I know he doesn’t believe in me anymore,” Buck said brokenly. “But I don’t know who else to turn to.”

“Buck, look at me,” Athena told him. She expected no argument, and he didn’t give her one as he turned to face her. She wanted to gather him in her arms like she would for May or Harry, but hesitated - right now that would only push him away. “Bobby has never stopped believing in you - either in your capabilities or in your heart,” she told him gently. “And neither have I.”

Buck scowled, swallowing harshly. “You don’t need to lie to me Athena,” he said bitterly. “We all heard what you said at that hearing. I’m irresponsible, careless, and untrustworthy, remember?” His eyes were filling with tears, and he backed away from her. “I shouldn’t be here…” he murmured to himself.

“Buck, take a seat,” Athena told him, proud her voice didn’t betray her inner turmoil.

Buck sat.

Athena hesitated a moment - torn between not wanting to burden him with her struggle and needing to tell him the truth - before she finally sat down at the table next to him. He looked away from her, pointedly avoiding eye contact.

“Bobby isn’t here,” she told him, “because he’s on his way to your apartment to see you - to try to help fix your case.”

Buck glanced at her, frowning slightly. “What?” he asked hoarsely. “Why would…”

“Because we never stopped believing in you, Buck,” Athena interrupted. “What you heard at your hearing wasn’t true.”

Buck clenched his fists. “Then why would you say it?” he demanded, angry tears coming to his eyes. “You _knew_ how important this case was, and you still ruined it!”

“Because,” Athena hesitated. She had to tell Buck the truth; had to let him know how much she believed in him. But every fiber of her being wanted to refuse to admit her frailty even to herself - much less to Buck. “Because I didn’t remember what was happening.”

Her voice cracked slightly as she fought back another wave of guilt.

Buck stared at her blankly. “What?”

Athena smiled faintly. “Apparently there are some long-term effects after being attacked twice in quick succession. One of them is memory lapses.” She reached out and placed her hand on his forearm, and this time he didn’t pull away.

“You mean…”

“I thought I was telling Judge Forster that it was a bad idea for you to rejoin the team while on blood thinners,” she told him softly.

Buck faced her fully, his expression conflicted. “You… you don’t think…” he trailed off, and Athena could feel him trembling. “You don’t _actually_ think I would intentionally put Christopher at risk?”

Athena’s heart broke. “No, Buck… I don’t.” She looked down for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Buck, you are one of the kindest, most honorable people I have ever known in my life,” she finally said. “And I’ve had a lot of years to know a lot of different people,” she added wryly.

“I am?” Buck looked like he could barely believe what she was saying.

“You are,” she said, squeezing his arm gently. “So many young men like you would do this job for the thrill or for the adrenaline rush; but not you. You do it because you look at all the sad, miserable people in the world and you want to be there for them when the worst day of their life happens.”

Buck’s eyes were bright with tears, and Athena struggled to hold back the tears in her own eyes. “Your first instinct is to care, Buck,” she continued, “And you never _stop_ caring. I can guarantee there are people alive today who only made it because you refused to give up on them. And that kind of person is the most trustworthy person in the world.”

Athena wiped away a tear that had stubbornly fallen down her cheek as she continued. “You have grown so much over the years that I have known you, Buck,.” she whispered. “And there is nobody who I would trust more to protect or take care of those who need it - Christopher included.”

Buck sniffed and rubbed his arm roughly over his eyes, wiping away tears. “Um… I didn’t know you thought that highly of me,” he said hoarsely.

“Well I do,” she told him. “And I want you to promise me to remember that.”

He nodded. “Thanks, Athena.”

She smiled gently. “Anytime, Buckaroo.”

\---

Buck stood outside the closed doors of the courtroom, his heart beating double-time. He was so afraid to step in there - so afraid of the decision he would hear. It had been 72 hours since they had left the courtroom and now he was back, preparing to hear the most important decision of his life. And part of him was too nervous to even walk through the doors. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“You okay there, Buck?”

Buck startled at Bobby’s voice and turned to see him standing a few feet down the hallway.

“Uh, yeah,” he answered, forcing a smile.

Bobby walked forward, grasping his shoulder warmly for a moment in greeting. “Everybody is waiting for you in there,” he told him.

“Yeah, I know,” Buck replied, still not making a move to walk through the door.

“I know you’re probably nervous,” Bobby said gently, “But every single one of us has got your back, no matter what happens.”

Buck shrugged. “Doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking,” he admitted softly.

“I know.”

Buck hesitated - not wanting to jinx anything by sharing his worries. Bobby waited patiently, making no move to walk away.

“I’m terrified, Bobby,” he whispered after a moment. “It’s the most important decision of my life, and I’m not even the one who gets to make it.” He looked down, not wanting to meet Bobby’s gaze. Bobby’s words, spoken in the heat of the moment the last time they stood in this spot, echoing in his ears. “What if I don’t deserve the trust Eddie put in me?”

Bobby was quiet for a moment, and Buck glanced back at him. He was surprised to see that his eyes were wet.

“You earned that trust every single day that you worked with Eddie,” Bobby finally said. “You earned it with every single moment you spent with Christopher.”

“But what if it wasn’t enough?” Buck asked, struggling to hold back a flood of emotions.

“Buck, there are always going to be uncertainties and what-if’s,” Bobby said seriously. “But if you don’t think all that time you spent proving yourself to Eddie was enough, then shouldn’t your determination and dedication to keeping your promise to him be?”

Buck shook his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted.

“No matter what decision Judge Forster makes in there today, you _tried!_ That’s all that would have mattered to Eddie,” Bobby said, reaching out and gently squeezing his shoulder again. “And I couldn’t be prouder,” he added.

Buck blinked back tears. “Thanks, Bobby,” he whispered.

“Now let’s get in there before Judge Forster shows up, alright?”

Buck grinned, a real one this time, as he finally found the courage to walk through the door. The two walked down to their respective seats - Bobby sitting beside Athena, and Buck taking a seat in the front row next to Maddie and Chimney.

He took a deep, steadying breath and squeezed Maddie’s hand, and she gave him an affectionate squeeze in return. This time Christopher was sitting in on the proceedings, sitting with Carla a few seats away. Eddie’s ghost seemed to be waiting just beside him, offering a sense of calm Buck didn’t think he could have managed on his own.

A moment later Judge Forster walked in the room and Buck quickly rose to his feet with everybody else until she sat down, before returning to his own seat. His heart started beating faster as he waited for her decision.

Bobby leaned forward from his seat behind Buck, putting his hand on his shoulder. “Whatever decision is made here today,” he said softly, “Never forget that you did everything you could. Eddie would be proud, and so am I.”

Buck twisted slightly in his seat, facing Bobby as fully as he could while staying seated. “Thanks, Bobby,” he whispered. Bobby squeezed his shoulder fondly before leaning back in his chair.

Buck glanced at Athena, and she gave him an encouraging smile. “Remember, Buck,” she reminded him softly. “Even if Judge Forster disagrees, we believe in you.”

He nodded his thanks and turned around just as Judge Forster began speaking.

“This was a very difficult decision to make,” Judge Forster said. “After being informed of the medical condition affecting Sergeant Grant, her earlier statement has been dismissed and a private statement, which has been put on record, is what I factored into my decision.”

Buck felt like he had never been more on edge; wished she would just tell them what she had decided, regardless of what it was.

“Both parties have excellent arguments for why they should be given custody of Christopher Diaz,” Judge Forster continued. “Mr. Buckley being unmarried, and thus not having a partner to share the cost and emotional needs of child-rearing played a significant role in my decision.”

Buck’s heart sank. After everything, he was still about to lose Christopher. _“I’m sorry, Eddie,”_ he apologized silently to Eddie’s ghost, almost seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

“Ramon and Helena Diaz have a more stable home environment in which to raise a child, particularly because of how risky Mr. Buckley’s profession is,” Judge Forster said. “However, after interviewing both Christopher Diaz and Isabel Diaz, this judge has determined that the wishes of both Christopher and the deceased align in favor of Mr. Buckley’s case.”

Buck’s heart was beating so fast, he thought it might beat right out of his chest. He squeezed Maddie’s hand even tighter.

“With that understanding, this court has decided to award custody of Christopher Diaz to Mr. Evan Buckley Jr.”

Buck barely noticed when Maddie threw her arms around him in celebration; barely felt Bobby thumping his back, barely heard Athena’s warm congratulations. All he could see was the smile he knew would be on Eddie’s face. _“We did it, Eddie. We did it…”_

“We did it!” He heard Christopher crow, and he got to his feet - suddenly needing to give Christopher the biggest hug of his life.

He made his way over to Carla and Christopher, heart too full for words.

“I knew you could do it, baby,” Carla said with a smile, her eyes suspiciously wet. “I never doubted you for a second.

“Thanks, Carla,” he said, before turning his attention to Christopher; turning his attention to _his kid._ Christopher was practically dancing with joy, his smile bigger than it had been since losing Eddie. “We did it, Buck!” He yelled out again.

Buck pulled Christopher into a hug. “We sure did,” he said. Eddie’s presence had never felt so tangible, almost as he was wrapping the two of them in a hug, and as he held Christopher close he could almost hear a silent _“Thanks, Buck,”_ before the presence faded away. He closed his eyes, feeling a sense of peace for the first time since losing Eddie. “We really did it,” he said again.

\---

Helena wiped away tears as she put the last of her things in her suitcase. No mother should have to bury her child, but at least she had had Christopher - at least she still had something left of Eddie to hold in her arms. Now her arms felt as empty as her aching heart. Judge Forster’s words rang hollowly in her ears - the moment she truly lost her son forever.

Ramon came up behind her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder before taking a seat next to her on the edge of the bed. She leaned into his warmth, their shared grief enveloping her. “Are you finished packing up?” Ramon asked quietly. His voice was thick with unshed tears - he was trying to stay strong for her, but they both knew it was a losing battle.

She nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. Her grief was overwhelming, and not even Ramon’s strength could hold it back.

“It’s not fair,” Ramon burst out suddenly, his grief giving way to anger. “Eddie did two tours in Afghanistan, he walked through literal fires, and he survived it all! And then a semi-truck driver has a stroke while behind the wheel and…” his voice caught, and he clenched his fists, the tears finally falling.

Helena gently took his hand in her own, pressing a gentle kiss on it. She knew he would grieve in his own time, but right now their loss was burning into his soul like red hot coals.“I miss him so much,” she whispered. “Our Edmundo.”

Ramon shook his head, and she gently began unclenching his fist, soothing out the tenseness in his fingers. He was her strength, and she was his guide - it’s how they had always been. “And to have Christopher snatched away from us by somebody who isn’t even family...” Ramon continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Buck is a good man,” Helena said softly, biting back a sob. “He’ll do right by Christopher.”

“Not as well as we could,” Ramon answered bitterly.

Helena bit back another sob, not even trying to argue. “I know,” she agreed softly.

They sat in silence for another moment until a gentle knock on their hotel room door caught their attention. Helena swallowed back the lump in her throat, hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks as Ramon stood up and walked over to answer the door.

“Grandpa!” she heard Christopher yell gleefully.

In less than a heartbeat she was at the door, pulling Christopher into a hug. Her heart still ached, but for the moment her arms were full, and she was going to cherish the feeling. “Grandma, you’re squishing me,” Christopher laughed, wiggling out of her hug.

“I’m sorry, angel,” she laughed, releasing him. Buck was standing awkwardly in the doorway, and Helena pushed back a wave of resentment. He was just trying to do what was best for Christopher. “Come on in, Buck,” she said, placing a gentle hand on Ramon’s shoulder. He felt tense under her touch, and she knew it was taking all his willpower not to say something to Buck that he would regret.

“Um… sorry to burst in like this,” Buck apologized, stepping into the room.

Helena swallowed back a lump in her throat. “As long as you have Christopher, you will always be welcome,” she told him.

“As long as you treat him well,” Ramon added, a tinge of warning in his voice.

Buck looked down awkwardly for a moment before facing Ramon fully. “Mr. Diaz, you will never _ever_ have to worry that I won’t,” he told him. “I made a promise to Eddie, and I will never do anything to disappoint him.”

Ramon nodded. “Good,” he said gruffly, holding Buck’s gaze.

Buck shuffled his feet awkwardly after a moment and looked away.

“What are you doing here?” Helena asked, hoping to break the tension between the two.

Buck glanced over at Christopher, who had taken a seat on the couch and was swinging his legs back and forth. “We knew you would be heading out, and Christopher wanted to make sure to say goodbye,” he said.

Helena nodded. “We appreciate that, Buck,” she said softly.

Buck cleared his throat and flexed his hands slightly. “I uh… I also wanted to tell you…” he hesitated, looking between Helena and Ramon.

Helena smiled internally, taking pity on his awkwardness. “Would you like to take a seat?” she asked him, gesturing towards the couch Christopher was sitting on.

“Uh… sure,” Buck said, almost tripping over his own feet to get to the couch. He sat down next to Christopher, while Helena sat down on the edge of the bed across from it. After a moment, Ramon joined her. She grasped his hand - needing his strength more than ever.

“Eddie meant… meant more to me than you could know,” Buck said after a moment. “And I know how much he values his family.” He hesitated again, rubbing his palms on his jeans. “I just wanted you to know that… that even though I won the case, I will never do anything to alienate Christopher from you.”

An unexpected sense of relief washed over Helena. _She wasn’t going to completely lose Christopher - completely lose Eddie - after all._

“You told me that uh… when we thought I couldn’t win the case… that I was family for wanting to take care of Chris,” Buck continued. “And I mean I know you are his family regardless, but…” he hesitated again. “I just wanted to tell you that Christopher will always know how much you love him.”

“Yep!” Christopher agreed, glancing up at Buck with a grin.

Helena’s heart melted, and a tiny piece of her grief seemed to heal as she watched the two of them. She had buried her son, but it seemed there was more than just Christopher left of him. Buck carried a piece of him inside too, and he would honor it.

“Thank you, Buck,” she said softly.

\---

“It’s good to be home,” Athena sighed as she and Bobby walked through the front door. 

“It _has_ been a long day,” Bobby agreed, as they walked down the stairs together.

She was exhausted, and her head was starting to ache again in spite of the medications she was on. Part of her wanted to go lie down in bed, but she didn’t want to make Bobby worry about her more than he already was.

“Hey, you guys are back!”

Athena jumped slightly as May walked around the corner, smiling slightly.

“May, what are you doing here?” she demanded.

“The dishes,” May said matter-of-factly. “They’re done now, by the way.”

Athena shared a glance with Bobby. “May, I told you you don’t need to be here!”

“You told me not to worry,” May retorted. “And that’s not possible, so I might as well worry about you from here.” She crossed her arms and sat down in the armchair.

“Like mother, like daughter,” Bobby chuckled.

Athena gave him a dirty look, and he raised his hands in mock surrender. “I’m going to go make some coffee,” he said, planting a gentle kiss on Athena’s cheek before making his escape into the kitchen.

Athena sank down wearily on the couch and closed her eyes, trying to will away her headache. “May, I don’t…”

“I know, you don’t feel like arguing with me,” May interrupted her. “You don’t want me here because you don’t want me to think you’re weak, and you think hiding how much you’re struggling will protect me.”

Athena looked at May, her heart in her throat. Hearing May voice her fears was disconcerting.

“Am I wrong?” May asked pointedly.

Athena laughed softly, shaking her head. “I suppose you’re not,” she admitted.

“So if I already know all that, don’t you think keeping me away from you is only going to make me worry more?” a pleading note entered May’s voice. “You can’t make me worry about you from far away.”

Athena hesitated, her earlier resolve crumbling. “May, it might be nothing,” she said at last. “All it might take is for me to take it easy for a few days, and everything will go back to normal.”

“And it might not!” May pleaded. “And I want to be here for you if it’s not, the way you have been there for me through _everything_.”

Athena closed her eyes, a thousand reasons echoing in her mind why May should go - a thousand arguments to keep her away; all of them paling beside her desire to have her there. Her future felt uncertain, but having her daughter there added another layer of certainty to whatever it might bring.

“Okay,” she finally agreed. Maybe it was time to let her daughter grow up; maybe it was time to _let_ her be the strong woman she had raised her to be. She smiled, reaching out and resting her hand on May’s. “Let’s do this thing together - you, me, and Bobby.”

\--------------------

Two weeks later

\--------------------

“The big moment has arrived!” Buck yelled out as he walked through the door, Christopher in tow. Maddie glanced up with a laugh. “Well hello to you too,” she greeted.

“What big moment has arrived?” Chimney asked as he continued massaging Maddie’s feet.

“The big moment where we all discover if I’m going to have a niece or a nephew!” Buck said, pulling out a small package with a flourish.

Chimney gently moved Maddie’s feet and then jumped to his feet. “All right!” he cheered.

Maddie smiled. Chimney had found a “gender reveal scroll” option and had been so excited about it she couldn’t say no. Plus, it gave Buck and Christopher the chance to be involved and didn’t require any additional cleaning which sparkles or streamers would.

She got to her feet, feeling huge, and walked over to Buck. “You didn’t even take it out of the ugly brown shipping box?” she teased.

“Well I figured you should have _all_ the honors since I’m the one who knows what’s actually written on the inside,” Buck grinned.

She rolled her eyes and took the package, before returning to her spot on the couch. Christopher hobbled over to sit down next to her, and Buck sat on his other side. Chimney stayed standing.

“Are you coming, Chim?” she asked.

“Uhh yeah… one minute,” Chimney said. “I need to go grab something from the bedroom.” 

He darted out of the room, and Maddie exchanged an amused glance with Buck. “It’s okay, Howie,” she called out, deadpan. “We’ve only been waiting so long it almost would have been easier to just find out when baby Han is born!”

Christopher chuckled at her joke, and Maddie wrapped her arm around him, pulling him in for a hug. “I’m gonna have a cousin!” he crowed excitedly.

“You sure are,” Buck said, ruffling his curls. 

Maddie’s heart felt filled to bursting. All of the struggles of a few weeks ago seemed to have melted away, and they were all finally returning to a sense of normalcy.

After a moment Chimney ran back in and sat down next to her on the couch. “Okay, I’m ready now!” he grinned, rubbing his hands together nervously. 

Buck jumped off the couch and pulled out his phone, switching on the camera. “We are saving this for posterity!” he said, grinning.

Maddie rolled her eyes at him as she carefully started tearing off the brown paper packaging. Chimney was practically vibrating beside her, and Christopher was wiggling with joy. She wasn’t sure she could possibly be happier.

“Okay, are we ready?” she asked, pulling out the plain white scroll.

“Ready!” Chimney, Buck, and Christopher said in unison.

She smiled fondly at Chimney and started unrolling the scroll, reading the pink letters aloud as she went. “Will…,” she stopped. “Buck, are you sure they sent you the right thing?”

“Positive,” Buck said with a grin. “I got to personalize it.”

Maddie shrugged and unrolled the scroll all the way. “Will you marry… me…” she trailed off and turned to look at Chimney, who reached in his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. “You always said public proposals make you squirm,” he said, grinning. “So I thought this would be a good approach.”

“Chimney,” Maddie breathed, happy tears springing to her eyes. She had been wrong a moment earlier. _Now_ she wasn’t sure she could possibly be happier.

Chimney opened the box and got down on one knee, while Christopher clapped with excitement beside her.

“Maddie, having you in my life has made me happier than I have any right to be,” Chimney said. “And, selfishly, I’d like to continue being this happy for the rest of my life, if you’ll have me. Will you marry me?”

Maddie was so happy she didn’t think she could talk. All she could do was stare at Chimney and the shimmering ring that seemed to glow in his hands.

“Come on, Maddie!” Buck crowed from behind his phone. “Don’t keep the man waiting!”

Maddie grinned, finding her voice again. “Yes! Yes of course!” She leaned down and kissed Chimney, her heart filled to overflowing.

“Oh my god, you actually said yes!” Chimney grinned, pulling away slightly before slipping the ring on her finger.

Maddie raised her eyebrows. “I can take it back…” she teased.

“Noooo!” Christopher yelled. “No takebacks!”

Maddie laughed again, feeling lighter than air. “No takebacks,” she agreed, snuggling up to Chimney as he sat down on the couch again, admiring the ring on her finger.

Buck flung himself on the couch next to Christopher, holding his phone up triumphantly. “And I’ve got the _entire_ thing right here,” he grinned.

“So Buck,” Chimney asked after a moment. “Do the pink letters mean what I think they mean?”

“Absolutely!” Buck replied. “Baby Han is going to be a beautiful bouncing baby girl!”

Chimney kissed Maddie again, his eyes damp. “A girl,” he whispered. “She’s a girl!”

“We still have to come up with a name,” Maddie said, her heart filled to bursting.

“We can worry about that later,” Chimney told her, placing a gentle hand on her belly.

A sudden thought struck Maddie, and she exchanged a glance with Chimney, gesturing towards Buck. He nodded slightly, his grin somehow growing bigger.

Maddie turned towards Buck, who now had Christopher snuggled up against him as they watched her and Chimney. “Well,” she said. “Not to take away from our special moment, but I also have a surprise for you.”

“Aw Mads, this is your special moment. Just...” Buck gestured at himself and Christopher, “Pretend we’re not here!” 

“That’s sort of impossible, there, Buck,” Chimney laughed. “The two of you are impossible to ignore.”

“You can pretend to pretend we’re not here,” Christopher suggested with a laugh.

“That’s right,” Buck agreed. 

Maddie rolled her eyes at their antics, grinning softly. She was so proud of Buck for stepping up for Christopher, and so happy everything had worked out. She placed her hand on Chimney’s as he continued caressing her belly; nobody else was as perfect a fit to take care of her daughter.

“Buck,” she said, allowing a serious note to creep into her voice. “After everything that happened with Eddie and Christopher, Chimney and I decided we wanted to make sure something like that never happens with our little girl.”

Buck frowned slightly, confused. “Okay?” He asked.

“We want you to be our baby’s legal guardian, just in case something happens to both of us,” Chimney interjected.

“Wow…” Buck breathed out. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to decide right away,” Maddie said, reaching out and grabbing his hand. “Just… just think abou...”

“Maddie, of course I’ll do it!” Buck interrupted. He grinned, looking down at Christopher for a moment before meeting Maddie’s gaze again. “This family sticks together through thick and thin, and making it legal doesn’t really change anything.”

Maddie smiled, happy tears coming to her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time in the past fifteen minutes. Her baby girl was safe, and her future was secure. Everything was absolutely perfect.

\---

_“Hey Chris, can I ask you a very important question?” Buck asked, leaning in conspiratorially as they sat playing legos together._

_“Sure, what is it, Buck?” Christopher asked._

_Buck leaned back on his heels, checking to make sure Eddie wasn’t about to come back in the room, before pulling a small velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to Christopher. Christopher opened it. “A ring?” he asked._

_Buck picked up the plain golden ring, weighing it gently in his palm. “You know how much I love your dad, right Chris?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“And you know how much I love you?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Well, I want to ask your dad if the three of us can all be a family together.” He grinned, even thinking about it made his heart soar. “I want to marry your dad, but I need your permission first.”_

_A huge grin crossed Christopher’s face before he wrinkled his nose slightly. “Well, if I say yes do I get to pick the cake?” His eyes were sparkling, and Buck just knew he was barely holding back a laugh._

_“Buddy, if you say yes you can pick out the entire wedding,” he laughed._

_“Promise?”_

_Christopher would definitely hold the promise over him. Buck knew it. But he was too happy and in love to care. “I promise,” he laughed._

_“Popcorn’s coming!” Eddie called._

_Buck jumped and slid the ring back in its box before hiding it in his pocket. “Don’t tell him,” he whispered to Chris just as Eddie walked into the room, a giant bowl filled with popcorn in one hand and two beers in the other._

_“Yay!” Christopher squealed happily. “I get to hold the bowl!”_

_As the three of them re-situated themselves on the couch, Buck shot an affectionate glance at Eddie, his heart filled with love. Eddie said something that made Chris laugh, and Buck swore he could feel his heart bursting. The ring box in his pocket was a comfortable reminder of his personal commitment to this precious family, and he couldn’t wait to ask Eddie to make it official._

_\---_

_Buck took a nervous breath as he sat waiting for Eddie. It was almost a month since he had gotten Christopher’s blessing, and today was going to be the day. When Eddie had suggested a special anniversary dinner, he knew it would be the perfect time to pop the question._

_That didn’t make him any less nervous._

_His heart jumped in his throat when Eddie walked in. Maybe it was the importance of the occasion, but he was pretty sure Eddie had never looked more attractive than he did tonight._

_“Over here!” He called, waving Eddie down._

_Eddie waved back, making his way over. “Sorry I’m late,” he said, leaning over to kiss Buck. Buck closed his eyes, savoring the kiss._

_It was a really good kiss and did absolutely nothing to calm his nerves._

_“I got stuck in traffic,” Eddie explained._

_Buck grinned. “Well if being late leads to kisses like that, I would like you to be late all the time!”_

_Eddie laughed and took a seat. “I can’t believe we’ve been together for a year,” he said. “But here we are!”_

_“Yeah,” Buck agreed, suddenly needing to take a sip of water. He was so nervous his hands were shaking. “But it’s been the best year of my life,” he added._

_It was now or never; if he waited any longer he was going to be too nervous to ask. He got up from his chair and walked over to get down on one knee next to Eddie. He heard a thrilled gasp from the table just beside them._

_“I used to be a much lesser man than I am today,” he said, speaking quickly. He needed to get the words out as fast as possible. “I know I’ve made mistakes, but your friendship and love have helped me to be the best person I am capable of being, and I want to keep growing with you and beside you for the rest of our lives.”_

_He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out the little velvet box, opening it to reveal the ring. “Will you marry me?”_

_Now that he’d gotten the words out his throat felt dry. Each second seemed to last an eternity as he waited for Eddie to answer._

_He didn’t expect him to laugh._

_He felt his face grow red as he got to his feet again. Did Eddie not think he was being serious? “I… I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he backed away, wanting nothing more than to melt into the floorboards and vanish. “I didn’t think…”_

_Eddie leaped to his feet, his face serious, and grabbed both of Buck’s hands in his. “No, don’t,” he interrupted. “I wasn’t laughing at…” he looked down slightly. “I wasn’t actually stuck in traffic,” he admitted._

_“What?” Buck frowned. What did that have to do with anything?_

_Eddie shrugged and gestured at one of the wait staff. The man vanished into the back room, returning a moment later with two champagne glasses on a tray. “I laughed because… you beat me to it.”_

_Buck glanced over at the glass the waiter placed where he had been sitting just moments before, and his mouth gaped open when he saw a ring glistening at the bottom of the glass. He turned back towards Eddie, feeling tears come to his eyes._

_Eddie, still holding Buck’s hand with one of his, reached out and picked up the glass. “Buck, you are the one person I can always depend on to be there for me, and for Chris,” he said. Buck’s heart was pounding in his chest. He could hardly believe this was happening._

_“When Shannon died you were the one who was there for me, Eddie continued. “When that tsunami hit, you risked your life, again and again, to keep Christopher safe. My family could never be complete without you.”_

_Eddie handed Buck the glass, and Buck kept gaping at the ring shimmering at the bottom of it. “Would you do me the honor of making my little family whole for the rest of our lives?”_

_Buck had never been happier in his entire life. “I asked you first,” he grinned, although his voice was wet with tears. “I deserve an answer first.”_

_Eddie laughed. “I’ll say yes if you say yes.”_

“Buuuuuuucck!!!”

_“Well then, yes,” Buck laughed. “Forever and ever, yes!”_

“Buuuuuuuck, it’s time to get up!”

_Buck leaned in to kiss him, feeling a sudden sense of urgency, as if this would be his last chance for this. “Take care of him for me,” Eddie whispered against his lips._

“Buuuck!!”

Buck’s eyes cracked open, and he shook his head groggily as Eddie’s face faded away. “Christopher?” He slurred sleepily.

“It’s morning, Buck!”

Buck reached out beside him, half expecting Eddie to be there, his dream had felt so real. He couldn’t help the pained lurch in his heart as his fingers brushed against cold bedsheets, but the warmth of the kiss seemed to remain on his lips.

“Good morning Chris,” he said after a moment, sitting up. He reached out and ruffled Christopher’s tousled curls. “Let’s start our day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the conclusion of this series. I miiiiiigggghhhttt have an idea for one more one-shot to follow up this one, but for all intents and purposes the story is done. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know how you liked this story and/or the series as a whole. <3
> 
> Fun fact: originally Maddie and Chimney were going to pick out a name for Mango, but that scene didn't really fit so it was scrapped. (If you're curious, fanfic Madney named her Joy Edie Han)
> 
> Fun fact #2: I was this close to just using "And they all lived happily ever after... except for Eddie because he's dead" as my chapter summary, but decided that was cold even for me ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to offer my humble apologies for writing that.
> 
> Also, so that nobody feels like I'm tricking them with the Buddie tag, Eddie is actually in this fanfic a lot more than you might think.  
> There will be multiple flashbacks throughout, and most of them will include him. (the ironic thing here is that I think he's going to have more scenes in the fanfic where he's dead than he did in the one where he's alive. Go figure.)


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